what i've been reminded of in 2009:

- I am completely obsessed with my family. They are better than any friends I’ve ever made, and I miss them terribly when I’m at school.
- My little sisters are my best friends.
- I was definitely born to be a teacher, but am completely terrified at the thought of starting a career in a year and a half.
- There are a LOT of turkeys and complainers in the world.
- It’s so important to have a great audience of friends on the front row for support.
- Sometimes the best friends you can have will always be thousands of miles away, but true friendship isn’t being inseparable, it’s being separated and nothing changes.
- God is completely invested in my life and knows what’s best for me. I need to work on my relationship with Him in 2010.
- Discipline isn’t so bad when you plan ahead ;]

- As good as I am at pretending, I am pretty darn nervous for Feb. 24th... and I hate unknowns.
- I get the most work done in the morning hours.
- I love going to bed early!
- I am obsessed with change. The idea that I can wake up everyday and become better, improve, and change completely excites me. Now I just need to be more consistent with daily goals. . .
- Facebook is a really ridiculous distraction. I need to monitor my time on there better.
- Sometimes really unfortunate, devastating things happen to good, undeserving people. But everything in this life happens for a purpose and trials bring us closer to our Heavenly Father.
- I shouldn’t live with the same people for more than a year.
- Time goes a lot faster when you’re NOT counting.
- Every time I open the scriptures I find something new and useful, no matter how many times I’ve read a certain part there is always something that pops out I never noticed before. And conveniently, it’s always just what I needed to hear.
- I get grumpy on days when I don’t read my scriptures.
- I’ve found a new love in reading. I love reading a lot more than I used to! I just wish there was time to sit down everyday and read for hours!
- Being different is ok.
- I really miss piano. I can’t believe I’ve let my technique fall from where it used to be. New years resolution is to get it back to where it was senior year in high school!
- There is definitely a problem in being too focused. I need to loosen up and be more social at school.
- Life is better when I am completely confident in myself and my abilities.
- I’m really, really, really sad that my two best buds in Logan are graduating this semester!! Whitney and Melissa, Logan just won’t be the same without you ☹
- I really don’t like being cold, and often I stop and wonder why I decided to live in the frozen tundra of Logan.
- It’s impossible to keep in touch with every friend you’ve ever had in life. Especially the ones I meet now – they come and go.
- I’m SO done with high school and it bothers me when friends I had in high school can’t let go of it.
- I, like Megan said, need to learn from my past and get better at not dwelling in it.

I have a feeling 2010 is going to be an excellent year.

grief

yep, there was definitely a reason we broke up,
and definitely a reason why we will never date again,
no matter how hard he tries. and tries. and tries.
i hate that some people haven't changed a bit since
high school. someday he'll find a wife, someday.

my Cali babe.

just thinking about this today

LEAPers 2008.

LEAPers 2009.

my man Usman.

tim and parker stealin' the talent show.

hillary.sara.julissa.jackie.08.

just hangin' out.

the infamous Alex McRae.

4 coolest, most successful people i've ever met.

dr. bill dorfman. virgil klunder. pam peterson. uncle steve anderson.

i miss this.

bing zang hue le

my annie is in china.
the thought that i can't
text her for 3 weeks is
lonely and sad. i hardly
texted today... haa.
have fun, annie!

you can't buy me, hot dog man.

moral of the story: you can't trust the system.

red van

lately i've been remembering all my dreams really well. and they've been having really random, unrelated people in them. it's crazy. last night, i dreamt that i was supposed to speak at sarah england's farewell. there were 2 musical numbers, a youth speaker, her talk, another musical number, then me. there were hundreds of people in the audience and out in the foyers (packed), all conveniently wearing Hurd Aggie shirts... apparently there was a game afterwards?! the musical number before my talk was "i cannot find my way" from the forgotten carols. the family who was singing it started from the back of the congregation and walked all around the congregation, singing the song. soon, a lot of the congregation started walking around with them. weird. i got up, sobbing, because i love that song so much and it went perfectly with what i wanted to talk about. but right before i got up, my mom had told me my talk was no good and i needed to rewrite it, or at least just follow the spirit and say what is in my heart, not what was written on paper. during sarah's talk i had been frantically trying to write notes and other things i could talk about, so i could please my mom. i got up and nate bendall was in the bishopric, but they couldn't figure out the right height for the pulpit. it was embarrassing. i started talking about coming unto christ and how that song was the perfect segway into my talk... about 3 sentences into my talk, about 3/4 the congregation just gets up and leaves. i, from the pulpit, said, "well, sorry my talk is so boring, hope you have a great day... byeeee" and this guy shouted out, "yeah, we're going to jason's. this is lame." haa. so then i start crying more because everyone hates me and because i'm just emotional already. i keep going, then this blonde dude comes up and messes with the pulpit some more so it's going up and down and i can't read my notes and no once can stop it :( finally the bishop just pulled the pulpit plug and that fixed that. parker and quentin smith then stood up and start playing catch with a tennis ball because they were bored. after what seemed like an eternity, i finally finish up my talk with my testimony, then sat down, completely devastated that my talk was a total disaster and that everyone hated me.

we had a big red van which i convinced my mom to let me drive home. i was, afterall, too late to hear jason speak. hannah got in with me, and we drove. there were so many cars everywhere! we saw nate mensink, my boy from the netherlands, so i got out and gave him a hug and we talked for a bit. while we were talking, that same blonde dude and his girlfriend got in my trunk with this huge box of something, i wasn't sure. i got back in and they wouldn't leave the car, so i decided i would leave the trunk open and maybe they would fall out if i drove crazy enough. so, i did. i swerved in and out of lanes, and tried to make them fall out. when we got up by our church, there were so many cars waiting to get out of the parking lot, i just had to use the left lane. this icicle as big as me fell in front of our car and we had to jump over it, then the cars that were coming our way we had to jump over as well. it was crazy. but the people didn't fall out. we got up by the reich's and there was a line of people barricading the road. all wearing sweatshirts and fabric over their faces straight down so you couldn't see a profile or anything. i decided, since i was in a hurry, that i would just run over them. so i did.

my mom was at the perkins, and she used the force to stop the car. i got out and she was not happy. she asked if i had ever driven this car before and why i was driving so crazy, trying to kill everyone..? i told her about the strangers in the backseat and she said i should've just called the police or gotten nate bendall to come attack them or something. i explained the car was running and they would've stolen it, and hannah was in there with them, but that i would take care of it and go home soon. so we drive to jared johnsen's old house and the people in the back say they need a ride to pizza hut DOWNTOWN for pizza before the aggie game. there was no way i was going to drive down there, but luckily jared came out of the house with a baseball bat and was ready to attack them. they got out the backseat and ran away. thank goodness. i drove home, but on our street everyone was parked like 4 cars across the road, blocking everything. so, i drove over all their cars and crushed all of them. i ran into my garage door and it fell off, then i just pulled into the driveway anyway and parked the car. i think i was going to head over to jason's for the party because i had missed his whole talk in church, but i woke up, so i''ll never know. dreams are crazy. one day i'll write about laci and parker's second wedding.

merry christmas eve! today is my favorite day of the year, hands down!!

"i love piled up snow on the window pane"

...says julia.

new head band from allie.

tomorrow is my favorite day of the whole year.

most excited for cheese bricks, talent show, slide show, and pjs.

lovely christmas cookies tonight.

9 weeks tomorrow.

utes win poinsettia bowl game tonight. i love my utes.

wish we could've gone to san diego for the game!

dreamt about laci's second wedding last night. not success.

"stop hannah. that's only funny when sara and i do it." - i love juje.

this break i don't miss much about logan, which is

frightening in a strange and somewhat profound way.

argyle needs another makeover. candy canes have got to go.

the day after christmas is the second worst day of the whole year.

(the last day of LEAP is the worst day of the whole year.)

snowmobiling with dr bill on new years eve. stoked.

grandpa got facebook. definitely hip as ever.

if brennon nelson lived in utah we'd be dating.

i miss you like crazy, brennon!! can't wait for august :]

costco with my daddy today. best date ever.

wish i could explain why i love moose in the house so much.

wasted too much time today reading mylifeisaverage.com

jason brown is home. weird as ever, but home.

boren lied to me today. but i still love him.

ems and i never made gingerbread houses. no bueno.

definitely on track to gain that 10 pounds this holiday season.

did i mention i don't want to go back to school?!

got a job yesterday. i've worked really hard to make the next semester

a busy one, just the way i love it. i only have 4 classes, which is

weird, but goal achieved. bring on spring 2010.

except not yet. let's have christmas first . . .

wesley called me today. pleasant surprise. date with griffin saturday.

i was going to go to bed at 10. it's now 11. boo.

"bring me back my winterlove"

we play guess who

this is my great, amazing, wonderful friend
allie

she's kinda really pretty awesome. i'm real glad we're buddies.
we played guess who tonight.and 1313 dead end drive. and moose in the house. just cuz we're cool like that.

chriiiiiiistmas eve

christmas eve is in a short 3 days,

ladies and gentlemen. 3 days.

can't wait for this...

to do list

every christmas.

eat ridiculous amounts of sugar.

gain 10 pounds and not care.

sing christmas songs in sleep.

make a gingerbread house.

build a snowfamily.

read the forgotten carols.

sweet rolls for christmas breakfast.

read 25 christmas stories by the tree.

chug 3 glasses of hot chocolate in one sitting.

make mom happy-cry with present.

watch every christmas movie we own.

manheim steamroller christmas morning.

sleepover in coleman's room.

office marathon.

sing-along with reader's digest book.

catch up on journal.

make new years resolutions.

see the lights downtown.

visit bible street and christmas street.

christmas eve at grammy's.

christmas brunch with grandparents.

go caroling.

eat sister bodily's fudge.

skyline high christmas choir concert.

motab christmas concert.

christmas carol play.

listen to christmas music 24/7.

deliver neighborhood gifts with dad.

learn a new piano christmas song.

spend first moments of new year in air.

interview

experienced the longest job interview

of my life yesterday. 45 minutes.

definitely a LEAP success though.

and i guess that's all that matters.

touchsmart600

so... there's this hp touchsmart600 PC contest going on right now in the mommy blogging world. though i've definitely converted to mac in the past couple years, this computer looks amazing! just from what i've read about it, i am eager to have one in my possession! i would definitely use this in my first elementary school classroom. it is easy-to-use and the kids love the interaction with their fingers right on the screen. as a teacher just starting out, it's tricky to build up your classroom supplies and tools on a nearly-broke post-college student budget. i hope i win the sweepstakes!!

excellENCE at christmas.

2008.

FRUITCAKE

top ten uses for fruitcake:

10. use instead of sand bags during el nino.

9. send to us air force, let troops drop it.

8. use as railroad ties.

7. two words: pin cushion.

6. use as speed bumps.

5. collect ten and use as bowling pins.

4. use instead of cement shoes.

3. save for next summer's garage sale.

2. use slices in next skeet shooting competition

1. use slices to hold up that wobbly table.

i've never had fruitcake before... is it any good? ha ha...

psychiatric christmas

here are some psychiatrically-challenged

christmas carols for your reading enjoyment:

schizophrenia: do you hear what i hear?

multiple personality disorder: we 3 kings disoriented are

dementia: i think i'll be home for christmas

narcissistic: hark, the herald angels sing about me

manic: deck the halls and walls and house and lawn and streets and stores and office and town and cars and busses are trucks and trees and fire hydrants and...

paranoid: santa claus is coming to get me

ocd: jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock, jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock, jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock, jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock...

passive-aggressive personality: on the first day of christmas, my true love gave to me (then took it all away)

borderline personality disorder: thoughts of roasting on an open fire

--dezert-rose.com

dentist. bleck.

going to the dentist is my LEAST favorite thing to do.

that explanation is probably a story for another time.

but today, i had to go get 5 cavities filled. and tomorrow,

i have to go back to get 4 more filled on the other side.

why so many, you may ask? because my last dentist

didn't clean out my freakin' teeth before he put the

freakin' sealants on, so there's been 6 years of decay

going on underneath. no bueno. needless to say

it was not a good day. i'm always grumpy when i

have to go to the dentist. and today, to make things

even worse, they had to give me 3 shots and the last

one totally made me eye and eyebrow go numb. so...

the whole right side of my face is paralyzed and i keep

drooling on myself and i'm starving but i can't eat anything

because i don't want to bite my face off. no bueno.

boo dentist. boo. here's my lovely face. it makes me giggle.

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha:

perhaps i shall post one tomorrow of the other side. ;]
blahhhh

home?

distance is pretty depressing.

melissa k: el paso, TX
emily: provo, UT
annie: eden prairie, MN
jackie: los angeles, CA
whitney: boise, ID
jackie: springville, UT
jason: latvia (till friday!)
michael: bangor, ME
jordan: lima, peru
preston: freakin' west indies
liz: syracuse, UT

someday i wish we could all live in the same city.
i'll be home for christmas... missing you...

72 days.

need you now.

picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor

i wonder if i ever cross your mind?

for me, it happens all the time.

it's a quarter after one, i'm all alone

and i need you now.

and i don't know how i can do without

i just need you now.

tough times.

it's been a weekend of breaking news and downright devastation. it's weekendslike this when i am hit with a ton of bricks with the realization that the world is real andsometimes really unfortunate things happen to perfectly good people, often when we least expect them. thank goodness for the knowledge of the eternities and a heavenly father who loves and cares for us always, but is particularly willingto comfort us in our times of greatest need.
camille, jackie, and annie, i am praying for you, and haven't been able to stopthinking about you all weekend. can't believe my two best friends, and a very dear one too, are going through such tough times all in the same week. i love you!

it's real.

she got raped?
has she really been dealingwith this all alone?
you never think it'll happento someone you love so much,or even just know...my stomach sank last night.i haven't been able toconcentrate since.

muppets. could we love them more?

as parker said, this should make you smile:


>

happy bohemian christmas! he he.

madrigals

the skyline high christmas concert does it for me every year.

reminds me how much i honestly and dearly miss madrigals.

but not only mads. but concert choir, highlites, and even

all the accompanying i had to do. gundy was right. those

are the moments of high school you remember forever.

singing the alumni numbers up there on stage always

makes me so excited and reminiscent of junior and senior

year, when choir ruled my life and defined the best moments

in my high school existence. then talking to gundy tonight?

favorite. such a legacy he's leaving. i love that he loves me,

tells me no piano player since me has come along that even

begins to compare. i miss that. he's one of those teachers

that makes you feel great about yourself (when you're lucky

enough to be on his good side, heh heh). and seeing all the

alumni and friends and connections afterwards, and even

during... skyline high is the best place to grow up. choir

may seem nerdy, but i wouldn't trade my choir friends

for the world. i got to stand by my not-so-little brother

coleman during silent night alumni. almost started crying.

he's the mads president this year... and i'm so proud of him!

and to think, it was like pulling teeth to get him to try out

for troubs sophomore year. you can thank me later, coleman.

can't wait until may when they perform mads on broadway,

just like we did. tonight was a good night. christmas wouldn't

be christmas without skyline choir christmas concert. love.

today, i am a bum

why? because i didn't feel like doing a thing.
so, i didn't. woke up at 7, laid in bed, then on
the couch, reading. i was going to work out.
but didn't. i was going to start the software
testing. but didn't. just laid in bed and read.
finally decided to shower at 1:00. and the
best part about it all is, i didn't feel guilty.

christmas break is the best.

frequent driver miles

i feel like i should be awarded some sort of

frequent driver miles award for the most

times driving back and forth between logan

and salt lake in the shortest amount of time.

case in point:

last saturday. to salt lake with tatum.

saturday afternoon: back to logan.

sunday night: to salt lake with david.

monday morning: back to logan.

tuesday afternoon: to salt lake with daddy.

next wednesday afternoon: back to logan.

next saturday: to salt lake with mom.

seriously? i could drive it with my eyes closed.

rest in peace fall 09.

finished up fall 09 semester last night.

what a semester it was! i, like whitney ward,

found this semester of college one of the most

inspiring and life-applicable semesters yet. it's

so great to be taking all classes that i am very

interested in and enjoy and want to learn from.

although completely exhausting, my weeks in

the dear lincoln elementary were definitely a

highlight of the semester, and perhaps even

college altogether! i miss those little 2nd

graders so much. . . and pretty sure i read

those cards they made me at least once a week.

maybe i should feel the same way about the

kindergarteners... ha ha. oops. anyway. whit

and i convinced our reading teacher to let us

take the final early so we could be done monday

rather than late thursday. best decision ever.

so here i am - home for the holidays! it's funny

because my sisters tend to think it's a national

holiday whenever i'm home (love it) and don't

want to do any work or practicing... which is

tough for both of us because 1. they are in

school until the 23rd, and go back the 3rd.

i am home now until jan. 10th. ha ha. also,

being home alone all day, i get really anxious

to play with them when they get home, but

they always have homework and practicing

and have to go to bed early. you'd think the

college student would be the one with all the

work to do. best. and allie is leaving me for

a cruise... which is lame. but exciting for her!

so my mom and i are going to have lots of fun

adventures together. i'm actually really, really

excited about it. it's not very often you get that

amazing woman all to yourself :) and of course

it's so nice to be here to see all the madrigals

performances and jazz band concerts and orchestra

concerts and help with christmas projects in

4th grade. i love home. in case you didn't know.

my family is one of the very most prized parts of

my short life. merry christmas! it's going to be a

great month. p.s. 76 days and counting! ;]

makeover

i gave my blog a makeover tonight.

further changes to come.

for now, i must sleep.

goodnight moon!

it's a typical situation

an all too typical situation in aparty numba fiveee.

Lies.

by sara ence, april '06

Observation proved sorry results.
Skeptical to face truth,
I searched for reason not to believe it.
Impossible.

Attention starved and control desperate,
his slow, steady downfall began.
Not today, but too long ago.
A self-destructive collapse
no one predicted or
could stop if they wanted,
even if he wanted.

Small lies slipped into subconscious truths:
hypnotizing good judgment and memory,
paralyzing all ability to recount
what happened, remember
who said what,
when it happened,
or if it had happened at all.

Creating fantasy, writing his tale
the way he wanted it to be,
the way he thought people wanted it to be.
Willing to forfeit reputation for
translucent shields of deception and deceit.
Only so people would think he’s the best,
the manliest, most outgoing, bravest.

Being anything else would be surrender,
so much more faceable than
what they would think if he weren't fake.

Time wasted on a person he's not,
development of truth absent.

The art of mask creation perfected through
through pathetic stories growing into bigger
and better outlandish coincidence, altogether
banning him from what he could be living,
why he was living. Why was he living?

Someday, he'll vanish into nothing,
forfeiting pure, imagined joy to years of fantasy.
Left with regret, anxiety, and empty stories -
Was he the best? Did he convince?
What is he now?

A lie.

dinner dilemma

so we had this presidency dinner for our lovely

sorority tonight. i've been trying to get a hold of

our advisor for two days now to see if things were

good and she was ready, or if she needed any help.

finally, at 5:45pm today she answered the phone.

here's how our conversation went.

sister younker: "hello sara ence!"

sara: "hi, how are you?"

sy: "good, how about yourself?"

s: "great, i've been trying to get a hold of you

all day now!"

sy: "oh, sorry my phone was dead and i didn't have

a place to charge it."

s: "oh, that's ok. just wanted to make sure you were

all set for tonight?!"

sy: (abnormally long pause...) "what's tonight?"

s: (small freak out and stomach drop, then spoken

with hesitancy...) "the presidency dinner?"

sy: (gasp) "oh, is that tonight?!"

s: (almost starts crying. more long pauses) "umm..."

sy: "oh i'm kidding. i'm pulling your leg. things are

going well, just trying to finish up last minute things.

hopefully we'll be ready when you get here!"

and it's not even april fools day. not cool, sister younker,

not cool. about gave the dear president a heart attack. sigh.

what to choose, what to choose.

ok, really? lately i've struggled with the

"good, better best" thing. it seems that all kinds

of better and even best things are conflicting...

making it very difficult to choose between all

of them. such as tuesday night. IWA Christmas

fireside: 7:00pm. last night of institute and discussion

on the Atonement (allegedly the best class... our

teacher's been talking it up all semester): 7:00pm.

last night: byu vs. usu basketball game: 7:00pm.

american festival chorus required choir rehearsal

for upcoming christmas concert: 7:00pm. the

forgotten carols performance that i was supposed

to work at, and really wanted to so i could watch

cuz christmas season isn't complete without fc: 7:00.

not to mention sunday december 27. ben taylor's

mission farewell: 1:00pm. sarah england's mission

farewell: 1:00pm. jason brown's mission home-

coming: 1:00pm. the singles ward: 1:00pm.

fail.

so... how do you choose?!

december?

oh hey, december!

didn't see ya coming.

hair is a bother

today i want to
shave my head.
don't ask me why.
i just do.