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6.30.2009

gardens

tonight i went with my mom on a cute little
garden tour !
there are some fantastic gardens in my neighborhood.
i was fascinated.
i have started noticing gardens more lately
because my good friend nate
works for the temple square gardens
and every time i am with him he talks about gardening
and points out cool flowers and plants.
he is so smart about it all and i love it.
he gets so excited about it too, which i also love.
nate is the best :)
but walking around in all the gorgeous gardens tonight
and hearing the cute old ladies talk about their flowers
made me want to become one of those old women
that spends all her time taking care of her garden.
the kind that wears a huge sun hat with a large ribbon on it
and every color imaginable in my yard.
i would know all the names of them, too.
my husband would bring us lemonade after he mowed the lawn
and we'd sit on the porch swing and admire our work.
then the grandkids would come over and help us
pick the tomatoes and zucchini
and after dinner we'd sit on a blanket
and eat strawberries and raspberries we'd just picked.
he he he. . . .


letters

muah moment #6:
hand written letters in the mail.
it doesn't get much better than that.

[ especially from massachusetts ]

sunshine

it is gorgeous outside this morning!!
i love summer.
a lot.

6.27.2009

changing

today i spent hours in the yard weeding. our yard looks lovely now.
and... it was actually pretty fun despite my usual hate of weeding.
lots of good think time and time with the family also.
after we weeded dad took us to panda for lunch.
the birds there wait around on the ground, wanting to be fed.
i'd say a little too accustomed to spare human food.
so hannah and i fed them some noodles... how could we resist? wow...
i was pretty enthralled with those birds today!
i think maybe i got a little too excited about them
because my dad finally said, "are you 2 even related?"
referring to parker and myself, as he and my dad carried on
intelligent conversation as they always do
and there i was eyeing the birds with 5-year-old pleasure,
oblivious to the adult world around me.
i know my dad meant the question as a joke,
but funny as this sounds, it really got me thinking about my life:
where it is, where it's going, where i think i want it to go,
how i'm doing with my goals,
my self esteem, my plan, God's plan.
i've compared myself to my older brother my entire life.
but i feel like whatever i do, no matter how hard i try,
i will never match up.
i know life's not supposed to be a contest
with anyone besides your previous self.
but it sure feels like one.
i've probably created this shadow that i live in.
and after all, they say, "it's easier to copy genius then create mediocrity"
but i often find myself wishing i was better, more, smarter.
the ence expectation is high and while i try and do my best,
i usually fall short of things they expect
or things i come to expect of myself.
all i can say is
i'm thankful for life and the opportunity and ability to change.
and maybe that's just what i'll do.


6.22.2009

chuck

today at work i found a mouse friend.
aliska named him chuck.
he was chewing up the mary janes on the shelf,
and left me lots of shredded paper, ruined candy, and poopy surprises.
mice creep me out. i set 4 traps before i left.
hopefully by tomorrow he will be gone.

6.21.2009

my daddy

i love my dad so so much!
i love that we have a fathers day so i can be reminded
of all the amazing things he does for me, for the family.
i haven't ever found a man quite like my daddy.
but one day i will..... then marry him.

boo rain

i am a big sucker for the rain.
i've loved the rain the past couple weeks.
except for yesterday.
after spending days worth of hours
and dedicating my whole summer life to the festival,
the only thing that could've ruined it was the weather.
and it did. pouring rain all day.
wet clothes, miserable vendors, missing vendors,
cancelled activities, unhappy patrons, empty park,
no fire show, no star party, no rock wall.
it was such a disappointing day.
but also an adventuresome day.
everything was so well planned and organized,
so well put together and so well executed.
there was nothing we could do about the weather.
but for one day in my life i absolutely despised the rain
for putting a damper on our wonderful
venture outdoors festival.
good thing there's always next year.
boo rain.

6.18.2009

our story begins.

"Down a hidden country road in the valley of Eden Meadows, there lay a small country cottage with yellow shudders and a light blue door. These and the crisp white paneling contrasted with the bleak gray sky of this particular April afternoon. It was days like today that Sara remembered why she moved to the country in the first place. Walking down the dirt road to her house, she admired the lilacs and wild daisies filling the meadows on either side of her. They seemed to bob up and down in time with the song playing in her head. She hummed along until she couldn’t remember the words anymore."
... it's in the works ;)

6.17.2009

losing

tonight reality hit. in august i am going to lose my best friend. and for the first time in my life i don't know how to express what i'm feeling in words. i feel like a candle in a hurricane. sometimes i laugh about it, other times cry. most the time cry. the thought that after school starts things will never be the same is too much for my emotional capacity to comprehend. this sounds dramatic, but knowing her like i do, once things change, they really change. she molds to people around her, forgets people that aren't. we've grown so much together, had our fights, made up, and became stronger friends because of it. i can't live life without her, but the more it sinks in that she's leaving, the more i realize i'm going to have to suck it up and learn how to. so many memories, so much of her is in me but i can tell i'm already being replaced. replaced with new friends, new sorority, new school, new adventure, a new life. what's the most scary is that i find myself wanting to disconnect now because the more i disconnect now the less it'll hurt then. that honestly scares me to death. i don't want to disconnect. but i do. life is all about change and moving on, but sometimes certain people become such a huge and influential part of your life it is impossible to imagine being able to go on without them. i'm a strong believer that people come into our lives when we need them most, but it terrifies me to think that sometimes once their reason or season has been met, they have to leave us. and no matter how they leave us with innumerable life lessons and memorable moments, the thing that sticks is the broken heart. as much as i try to be happy about the situation, deep down all it will ever be is pretending. i'm good at pretending. or at least pretending i'm good. tears at night could plead otherwise. i hate it. there are few people in this world that i care about on the same level i care about her. but no matter how much i love or try or pretend or support or care, i can't change the way things have to be.
i feel so helpless.

missing you


"call me { crazy } for missing you like this, but i do"



-- rascal flatts

6.16.2009

want

i hate how sometimes the thing you want very most
is the very thing you can never have . . .

6.15.2009

sand castles and lemonade

speaking of sisters, the other day we had an adventure with my mom.
playing in the sand box, the four of us built the largest sand castle!
with an alligator moat around it, it was invincible.
after splitting the castle into three sides, we adorned it with army men,
indians, cowboys, and ninjas. the blob guarded one side,
cone man the other, and the hole to the dungeon of destruction protected by ninjas.

when i asked julia if we were going to fight after all were placed, she replied,
"no, we're not going to fight, just meet and greet nicely."
hannah stole my police sheriff so i buried the army tank.
the blob let out a yell and the cowboys attacked.
i don't know who won.

we found 3 snails, spider eggs, and indian clay.
is there anything better than sand box adventures??

6.14.2009

sister talk

one of the things i miss most when i'm at school
is talking to my { adorable } sisters everyday.
when i'm in my room they come sit on my bed
and we talk, laugh, tell secrets, forever.
about nothing, about everything.
i love it.

they're both growing up so fast i can't believe it!
but as much as i think i want them to stay little,
the more they grow up.
and the more they grow up, the more i love talking to them,
the more we relate to each other, understand, reminisce, create.
i feel real sorry for people that grow up with no siblings.
they are the greatest thing in my life.
my brothers and sisters are my best friends.
in high school when my parents always told me that's how it would be
i never believed them. but it's true. they are the absolute { best }.



6.08.2009

reasons, seasons, lifetimes

"people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.


a reason: to meet a need.  they assist you through difficulty, 
provide support or guidance, aid you.  
they seem like a godsend, and they are.  
then, the relationship will come to an end. 
no matter how it ended, we must realize our need has been met,
our desire fulfilled, their work is done.  we must move on.  

a season: your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
they bring experiences of peace or laughter.  
they teach you something, bring you joy.  
believe it, it is real.  but it is only for a season. 

a lifetime: teach you lifelong lessons, 
things you must know to have solid emotional foundations.  
you must accept the lesson, the person, and use what you've learned
in all other relationships and areas of life.  

it is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant"


*bang*

if i hear the word "cambodia" 
one more time
any time soon, 
i just might shoot someone.

6.03.2009

sleep-moving

this morning i woke up and there was
a frame with flowers in it,
sitting at the edge of my bed.

i quickly remembered during the night
when i sat up, took the picture off the wall,
examined it and got confused
why it was in my hands,
then put it on the end of my bed.

oh the crazy things that happen in the night.

6.01.2009

emily.

one of my new favorite people is named emily.
emily and i have so much in common it's not even funny.
we've decided we're practically the same person.
last night we talked for hours about wonderful things

summer cottages
lemonade
porch swings
sun dresses that spin
fields of sunflowers
the bakery
a market
rain
poetry
old library books
sunshine
puddles
love







emily and i are kindred spirits.
i'm convinced.
i love meeting new people
and learning that there are people out there
that share my affinity for things in life that complete me.
there's just nothing like it in the whole world. <3