changing

today i spent hours in the yard weeding. our yard looks lovely now.
and... it was actually pretty fun despite my usual hate of weeding.lots of good think time and time with the family also.
after we weeded dad took us to panda for lunch.
the birds there wait around on the ground, wanting to be fed.
i'd say a little too accustomed to spare human food.
so hannah and i fed them some noodles... how could we resist? wow...
i was pretty enthralled with those birds today!
i think maybe i got a little too excited about them
because my dad finally said, "are you 2 even related?"
referring to parker and myself, as he and my dad carried on
intelligent conversation as they always do
and there i was eyeing the birds with 5-year-old pleasure,oblivious to the adult world around me.
i know my dad meant the question as a joke,but funny as this sounds, it really got me thinking about my life: where it is, where it's going, where i think i want it to go, how i'm doing with my goals, my self esteem, my plan, God's plan. i've compared myself to my older brother my entire life. but i feel like whatever i do, no matter how hard i try, i will never match up. i know life's not supposed to be a contest with anyone besides your previous self. but it sure feels like one.
i've probably created this shadow that i live in. and after all, they say, "it's easier to copy genius then create mediocrity"
but i often find myself wishing i was better, more, smarter. the ence expectation is high and while i try and do my best,i usually fall short of things they expector things i come to expect of myself. all i can say isi'm thankful for life and the opportunity and ability to change. and maybe that's just what i'll do.