tonight reality hit. in august i am going to lose my best friend. and for the first time in my life i don't know how to express what i'm feeling in words. i feel like a candle in a hurricane. sometimes i laugh about it, other times cry. most the time cry. the thought that after school starts things will never be the same is too much for my emotional capacity to comprehend. this sounds dramatic, but knowing her like i do, once things change, they really change. she molds to people around her, forgets people that aren't. we've grown so much together, had our fights, made up, and became stronger friends because of it. i can't live life without her, but the more it sinks in that she's leaving, the more i realize i'm going to have to suck it up and learn how to. so many memories, so much of her is in me but i can tell i'm already being replaced. replaced with new friends, new sorority, new school, new adventure, a new life. what's the most scary is that i find myself wanting to disconnect now because the more i disconnect now the less it'll hurt then. that honestly scares me to death. i don't want to disconnect. but i do. life is all about change and moving on, but sometimes certain people become such a huge and influential part of your life it is impossible to imagine being able to go on without them. i'm a strong believer that people come into our lives when we need them most, but it terrifies me to think that sometimes once their reason or season has been met, they have to leave us. and no matter how they leave us with innumerable life lessons and memorable moments, the thing that sticks is the broken heart. as much as i try to be happy about the situation, deep down all it will ever be is pretending. i'm good at pretending. or at least pretending i'm good. tears at night could plead otherwise. i hate it. there are few people in this world that i care about on the same level i care about her. but no matter how much i love or try or pretend or support or care, i can't change the way things have to be.
:( this makes me sad. can i just say that i have felt exactly this many a time in the past couple year. best friends leaving whether it be on missions, getting married, or just having the friendship die down. everything and everything moves on, and im stuck in the same place, alone and often times afraid.
:( this makes me sad. can i just say that i have felt exactly this many a time in the past couple year. best friends leaving whether it be on missions, getting married, or just having the friendship die down. everything and everything moves on, and im stuck in the same place, alone and often times afraid.
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