it is, though.

the past 2 weeks have been one of those why-do-i-even-bother weeks.  when it rains, it pours, right?  sometimes i think i've figured this life thing out, only to be put back in my place.  it can never go too good for too long, right?  but the blessing of hard times is they remind us that: 

  

and it really is.  in every sense of the word.  because of the gospel of Jesus Christ, life is beautiful.

the most beautiful truth i know

i've appreciated the church's initiative this easter season to reflect on the statement "because of Him".  because of Him... everything.  i could fill in that blank with any righteous statement and it would be true.  

i believe in Jesus Christ.  i believe that He lived a great life and performed miracles and loved the people He served.  i believe that He died for me to pay the price for my sins and provide the way back home.  He also performed the atonement so He would know how i feel at any given moment in my life, which is a truth i have relied on every single day.  but i've often wondered how we come to know these things.  in 1 nephi 15:14 it says, "they shall come to a knowledge of their Redeemer and the very points of His doctrine, that they may know how to come unto Him and be saved."  it's evident that we cannot be saved in ignorance.  we have to know the Lord whom we serve and know how to follow Him. 

what kinds of things have to happen in our lives before we can saywith surety, "i know Jesus Christ lives!"  what challenges do we have to face, what triumphs do we have to enjoy, what kind of commitment to the Lord do we have to give before that testimony comes? 

well.  today, this beautiful easter sunday, i am writing as a witness of Jesus Christ.  i, sara michelle ence, know that Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world because of the following reasons:

- i feel peace enter my heart when i hear or sing the song "i stand all amazed"

- there have been multiple days this year when i knew i couldn't pick myself up off my bed and go throughout the simple tasks of the day.  i knelt in prayer and pleaded with Heavenly Father to be with me, and as i stood, physically felt picked up and carried

-  my best friend annie flew here from california in december just to come to church with me, after 6 years of invitations and dead ends

- i have prayed about the book of mormon and gained a witness for myself of its truth.  the purpose of that book, the very intent it was written, was to convince jew and gentile alike that Jesus is the Christ.  so because i know the book of mormon is true, i know that Jesus Christ is my Savior.  that book is packed with evidence you would have to be blind to not see

- a mission companion and i felt inspired to change our plans and stop by a certain house at a specific time, to discover we saved a woman from suicide

- i've sat across the desk from a loving bishop as he said the words, "sister ence, you are forgiven of this sin" and literally felt a tangible weight being taken off my shoulders, allowing a certain happiness to flow back into my life

- i watched bill maki give up everything he had and enter the waters of baptism for a God he didn't even know existed yet

- i've sat in church and listened to heartfelt testimony from countless members about the power of the atonement and the power of change and conversion

- i sat with president tingey on april 19, 2012 and heard him say the words, "well done, thou good and faithful servant, the Lord has accepted your service"

- i felt a certain peace at the funeral of my uncle steve barlow, knowing that although it seemed unfair that he was taken from this earth when he was in the way that he was, that it was part of God's perfect plan, and that we will indeed be with him again, forever

- i walked into a temple this past friday seeking for comfort that the situation i was currently dealing with would be resolved the way it was supposed to be resolved.  that the people involved would forgive me of the dumb mistakes i'd made that week.  sitting in the temple for 3 hours, i felt time and time again the peace i was searching for.  the problem wasn't solved, but i felt empowered and comforted.  my prayer was answered.  i love the temple

- i watched the faces of my darling 6 year olds light up when i taught about christianity as part of our three world religions unit.  "Jesus Christ died for my sins!" one would shout.  "He loves me!"  "i LOVE Jesus!" another would cheer.  the faith of a child speaks volumes

- i felt inspired to change my lesson just one hour before giving it to the relief society when colin dumke bore an inspired testimony of the power of righteous women in the world.  with that inspiration to change the lesson came the words to say in a time of need, and one of the most powerful relief society lessons i've been a part of

- -

i could go on for hours listing specific reasons that have led me to the knowledge i have of Jesus Christ as my personal Savior.  i testify that there are tangible evidences all over our lives that Jesus Christ lives, that He is intimately involved in the details of our lives.  that He cares.  i invite each of you to open your eyes and see those evidences everyday.  open your eyes and stand in awe at the love Jesus offers you.

He lives.  and that is the most beautiful truth i know

a leprechaun did this to me.

today is st. patrick's day, which is a really big deal when you're 6.  actually, anything is a really big deal when you're 6.  i don't remember leprechauns being a large part of my st. patrick's days as a child, but times have changed, people.  times have changed. 

last week, rumors of leprechaun sightings started floating around my classroom.  one day, a convinced girl swore she saw 12 of them leaping in the grass at recess.  i kept reminding them that leprechauns didn't come out until the big green day - the 17th.  but that didn't dampen their aspirations.  they wanted to use my supplies to construct all kinds of leprechaun traps.  we even had a small incident with one of my little guys caught in the girl's bathroom "but madeline said the leprechaun was in there dancing on the toilet paper roll, miss ence, i just had to see for myself!  wouldn't you?!" touche, little man, touche.   

so i caved and planned the ultimate leprechaun bash for school today.  they showed up to a note on the board from good old lucky the leprechaun inviting them to come on a little hunt for some treasure.  "i know this isn't miss ence's handwriting!  she would be so mad at the leprechaun for his messy handwriting.  there's NO way she wrote this."  (bahahaha)  this hunt took us all over the fields of the school, to the park down the way, to the church next door, around the school, to the playground, and back.  it had us running laps, doing jumping jacks, and playing tag. 

when we got back, our room was pulverized (thank you mom!)   "miss ence, did YOU do this?!"  how could i... i was with you the whole time... ha.  it was a real leprechaun, munchkins.  a real, live leprechaun.  "no, it must've been mr. chad!"  (the janitor)  yea... the janitor is going to pulverize a room that HE has to clean later.  not so, tiny humans.  not so. 

green easter grass everywhere (rookie mistake, rooookie mistake on the easter grass), crepe paper dangling from every corner, gold coins and little leprechaun footprints everywhere, another chastising note mocking us for being too slow and better luck next year, chairs were turned over, seats were switched, a pot of "gold" was hidden with all kinds of golden treats and lucky charms, he even left his hat!  (which we were convinced mr. lucky would come back for... he had to, right?!) 

as they're eating the lucky charms and golden candy that mr. lucky left them, i put on some irish celtic music.  5 minutes in i hear tons of giggling.  i look back to see my little red head dancing around the room with the silliest grin on his face, hand over his head, one on his hip, and doing the irish foot shuffle in circles.  i was dyyyyying of laughter.  kids are too dang funny!  he shouts "miss ence!  am i rocking this dance or what?!"  and... he totally was. 

flash forward to after lunch recess.  the playground duty comes in holding little boy that got caught in the girls' bathroom's leprechaun trap, trampled.  "i think the leprechaun was angry that you tried to trap him, so he ruined your trap..."  "it's ok," he says.  "there's more where that came from!  and this time, i'll trap him with GOLD.  everyone knows leprechauns can't resist shiny things!!"  are we feeding children lies everyday?! 

- - -

{but probably my favorite thing about kids at this age is how convinced they are about things like leprechauns and the tooth fairy (to no fault of their own, we are totally the instigators...)  

"miss ence, i woke up and there was a leprechaun dancing on my head!  my sister couldn't stop laughing and neither could i.  that's why i peed my bed." 

"miss ence, i lost a tooth yesterday but the tooth fairy didn't come.  my mom said she saw her flying outside and her wing was torn after hitting our tree, so she had to go to the tooth fairy hospital and would maybe come tonight if she was feeling better." 

"i saw my elf on the shelf wave to me this morning.  and he winked at my sister last night." 

"well my elf on the shelf kept me up all night because he was running around on my ceiling laughing.  that's why i'm pretty tired today." 

"i woke up this morning and my nails were painted green.  a leprechaun did this to me."} 
- - -

unfortunately i didn't think much past the initial messing up of the room.  let's just talk about the easter grass again.   it sticks to EVERYTHING.  there was a long trail down the hall outside our room because it was stuck to everyone's clothes and shoes... oops... i made everyone pick up 400 things off the floor before they left today.  and it was still pretty messy. 

but do i regret the messy room, the fights over the gold coins, the tears over the poor mr. lucky that will never have his hat again, the almost allergic reaction to the pistachio pudding science experiment, the green crepe paper accessories or sword fights, the hyped-up-on-sugar children, the easter grass eternally stuck to all my clothes?  no.  not in the least. 

today was the perfect day in first grade.  the kind of day where everyone is laughing and working together for a common good.  even if that "good" is finding a make-believe man with orange hair and a fake pot of gold. 

i really just love first grade.  i mean, when else can you wear ridiculous hair pieces like this at age 24 and get away with it?! 

case closed.

today's dating story is brought to you by the letter g.  g for giraffe, that is.  giraffe meaning that's how i feel sometimes when guys that are clearly much shorter than me ask me out.  does that not bother short boys that their date is a foot taller?! i've spent much of the last decade of my life pondering this question.  and i, ladies and gentleman, finally have an answer. 

to tell this story, i have to admit something embarrassing.  i am once again a tinder user.  now that we got that out of the way... 

last week i matched with someone we'll call jack.  he starts the conversation, "you're really cute, sara".  flattering, i suppose.  me, being the skeptical realist that i am, respond with, "really though, how many girls have you started a conversation with with that line, eh?"  to which he responds, "only the really cute ones."  ok, cheese factor 100, i'm out.  goodbye.

10 minutes later i get a text from a dear friend asking how the tinder scene is going (just got her to join again the few days prior...heh heh).  i respond with the cute little story about the encounter jack and i had just had.  to which she replies that a guy had started a conversation the same way with her.  you know what's coming next... it was the same guy.  (would my life be anything different, come on)

so i just HAD to call him out on it.  i got back on and responded to our friend jack, "you matched with one of my best friends and started the conversation the same way with her."  to which he replied,"oh, you're the only 2 though."  obviously not as embarrassed as i hoped he would be.  i know he's lying because he had to ask which girl was my best friend.  ok.  transparent.  and brazilian.  (no really though, he's from brazil)

my mistake, we start chatting back and forth and through the course of the conversation he finds out that i love the movie the aristocats.  he says (not joking, these are the words he used) "sara, i think we need to watch that movie together and make a memory together."  ok... sure... i have an open evening in...oh wait, never.  

i put off that proposal for a while.  and good thing because things kept getting creepier.  you see, our friend jack here, he's from another country, just lurking to find an american wife to take home ("don't worry, my family will love you, they love tall blonde americans" ...thanks, that's so reassuring...) 

so i ask how tall he is.  5'8.  one inch shorter than me.  doesn't sound like a huge difference, but for me it is.  call it shallow, call it what you may, but that's my number one thing... i need to be with someone significantly taller than me, for my own confidence's sake.  (watch, now that i've posted that i'll marry someone that's 5'0. just my luck)

the next 20 minutes of my life were spent reading message after message to convince me to date a short boy.  my case is closed.  the decade long question has finally been resolved.  again, people, these are real live quotes that came out of this boy's mouth (or i guess fingers, ha ha)

eh-hem.  this is why short guys want to date tall women: 

1. "let's say we're walking down the street and i decide to j-walk.  i can grab your hand and you can keep up with me.  if you had short, stubby legs, you would fall behind, get hit by a car, and die.  since you have long and lanky ones, you'll make it across safely with me."

2. "hand holding is perfect with a tall girl because you're both the same length of arm away from each other."

(can we please keep in mind i've "known" this boy for 45 minutes by this point?!)

3. "then think about kissing.  so nice to kiss a taller girl because my neck doesn't get tired from leaning over."

4. "cuddling is nice too because it can be reciprocated."

5. "and think about our children..."

gag.  i don't want to think about our children.  i don't want to even think about my own children, let alone children with you, brazilian stranger whom i've exchanged meaningless tinder messages with for 50 minutes.   safe to say i stopped responding.  but he. kept. sending. messages.

the next day, he messages me in the middle of the day asking if anything is wrong and why i haven't responded and if his reasons were logical.  so i just told him, "ya know i'm looking for someone significantly taller than me, sorry.  good luck with everything!"  and blocked him (one thing i like about tinder, easy out!) 

not 5 minutes later, my friend texted me and asked what went down with jack... because he messaged her and asked her what was wrong and why i was being weird and telling her he thought we had such great chemistry, etc.  bleck. 

i already knew tinder was full of a significant amount of creepers... but this was my first encounter with one.  thank goodness for that block button... and thank goodness that jack solved the mystery of why short boys like tall girls

...just think about our children... 
 

ghost in the stalls

in my school, my dearly beloved school, there is ONE faculty bathroom.  it's located in the most logical place, by the office, in the middle hub of the "u" shape... but for us first grade teachers on the outermost arm of the "u", it can be inconvenient, especially in the middle of the day quick bathroom break. 

today i really had to go.  we're talking i drank 3 water bottles worth in about 3 hours had to go.  i had just dropped my kids off at lunch and didn't really want to make the trek all the way back to the office to use the facilities.  so, i used the kid bathroom across the hall from my classroom.  it's no big deal, really, i use it all the time after hours because it's more convenient.  besides, everyone was at lunch and hadn't had much time at recess to realize they needed to go yet. 

every time i walk in, though, i have this fear that a student will be in there.  i mean, did you ever see a teacher in the kid bathroom when you were in elementary?  not only is it embarrassing, but it's just plain weird.  i always think in my head what i will say if i see a kid, like, "oh, is so and so in here?  no, ok..." then walk back out.  this time was no exception.  i was prepared to pull out a line. 

but i got in there and no one was there.  so i park myself in a stall and start doing my business when to my horror the door opens and not one, not 2, but THREE second graders come in and occupy the stalls next to me.  "i hope they don't recognize my shoes" i think to myself. 

so i finish up and now I'm in a predicament.  my choices are: 1. pretend like this is totally normal and stand up, at which point my head will be cascading over the stall that is meant for 8 year olds 2. cautiously lift my feet above the ground so no one will actually see i'm in there  3. wait until all 3 girls have vacated the premises before i leave. 

i decide option #3 is probably my best choice.  so i wait.  and wait.  and wait.  one girl leaves.  the second leaves.  the third doesn't leave foreverrrrrr.  and when she gets out of the stall,  she looks my way and i realize the space between the stall wall and the door is just big enough to make eye contact.  and that's exactly what we did.  made eye contact.  she giggled and ran outside. 

"oh no," i think.  she totally saw me and knows that i'm the teacher that used the kid bathroom.  cool points down the drain.  i was even so self conscious about this that i waited for a good 2 minutes until after she left just in case... then snuck out of the stall and to wash my hands. 

when would you know it the door opened again.  "miss ence?!  what are you doing in here?!"  the surprised munchkin exclaimed.  after all that practice of a good line, i had no words.  so i just ignored her and walked out ha ha ha.  slunk back to my classroom. 

the poor girl was probably horrified.  i still remember the time mrs. johnson used the kid bathroom in second grade and i never went in that stall again.  kids are funny that way. 

will i use the kid bathroom again?  probably.  and maybe, just maybe, i'll pull this trick next time.

the world is TOO small

remember the summer before my mission when i dated that darlingly perfect boy and thought about staying home to marry him, but went on my mission instead, and he only lasted 5 months then dear janed me? 

i won't say i'm still bitter about it, because i'm not.  but something about seeing his family, or hearing about his family, just tugs at my heart strings.  and i'll be honest, it makes me feel a little bit awkward. 

like the time when i was student teaching at oakridge and his little brother was in my class.  or the time we went on a 5th grade fieldtrip and his mom was the substitute for our teacher that day.  and how she couldn't stop talking about her now happily married son.  or the time i ran into the whole family, he and his wife included, at the mormon tab choir concert, then again at the lights on temple square, then again in the lion house bakery.  i mean, really.  or the time... ok you get the idea. 

i have the cutest visiting teaching companion in the universe, and she's become a really good friend recently.  she's 18 and i'm 24, but that's fine.  hah.  the other day we were deep in boy conversation when she revealed that her brother's best friend gets home from his mission this week (last saturday) and how nervous/excited/clueless about it she was feeling.  she's had a crush on said boy for years and, well, of course wants something to happen.  as the story went on, the details got jucier and i got giddy for her, devising an action plan and figuring out the play-by-play of their reconnection.  it's just too perfect not to work out. 

of course being girls, we immediately start wedding planning and saying how perfect it will be because of their family's incessant jokes about them getting married, the best friend marrying the little sister idea, his flirting all these years, how beautiful of a couple they would make, etc. 

then, it comes to light that the boy this girl and i have been talking about for quite some time now is none other than my pre-mission fling's little brother.  

really though, sometimes the world is just way too small.  especially when you're mormon.  

my liiiiiiiiife.  

praise and charity

my favorite kinds of church talks are ones where there are specific suggestions given that i can take and use that very day.  for example, saying "writing one thing in your journal every night that you are grateful for will increase your gratitude to the Lord" is much more meaningful to me than "look for the hand of the Lord in your life". 

this past sunday, bro. b told us the "secret" to making someone like you.  the "secret" to mending broken ties and creating a bond of love where you don't think it could ever exist.  he told a story about some difficult years with a son and how he overcame his hatred toward this son.  he praised him instead of criticized him.  ok, that sounds so simple.  but the more he talked and the more i got thinking about my relationships with people - both that i love and that i don't get along with as well, i realized that the people i love most are the ones that give me compliments and cheerlead me, the ones i feel good about myself around. 

"words of praise are the legs that the law of charity walks on".  that quote has been stuck in my mind for 3 days now.  "the primary, most fundamental thing to do to change the world is to focus on the good in others."  "force yourself to find the good in the people around you, then VOCALIZE it."  "issues with other people are often things you need to change about yourself - after all, you can't change them, but you can change how you see them."  "charity is about learning to like people that are difficult to like."

our lives are made up of an infinite amount of relationships.  some of the happiest people i know are the ones that refuse to see the bad in other people.  i am not like this at all.  but i want to be.  so, in the past few days, i've been trying really hard to compliment people and only say things to and about people that are uplifting and nice.   

it's so much harder than i thought it would be.  

but i've noticed especially in my classroom what a difference it's making already.  all along, i've tried to be a teacher that focuses on the good in my students and points out great behavior, but let's be honest, there are times when you just have to criticize and redirect.  the kids that i'm constantly harping on are the ones i find myself not liking, or dreading to see the next day.  i am putting my trust in bro. b's promise that as i look for the good in them and TELL THEM the good that i see (even if the best thing i can see is the proper placement of ONE punctuation mark), that i will soon see them in a new light and learn to love them.  this in turn will help me like them more too.   

"people change when they feel loved - not when they are chastised or lectured.  love the people around you.  love them unconditionally and praise them.  then, they will change on their own." 

it's no wonder charity is the most important attribute we are to cultivate and master here on earth. 

webmd doom and gloom

diagnosing your illnesses through WebMD is never a good idea.  

i always leave feeling like i have every major illness....

the wide range of options it comes up with after a few symptoms - 

"possible illnesses: viral infection, strep throat, laryngeal cancer"

well that escalated quickly.... 

today i was using the WebMD app and clicking on a few symptoms. 

one of them i clicked on came up with a pop-up that said
"close this app and seek medical attention immediately!" 

welp, didn't do that.  just took my temperature instead.  

95.6.  so... either the thermometer is broken or i'm dying. 

i'm pretty sure my immune system will be stellar after
this first teaching year. it has got to be, right?!! 

just a small thought for this february day

so often we resent the very things that are meant to draw us closer to the Savior.  with a greater perspective and understanding of the Lord's plan for me personally, i find that i am able to combat life's challenges with a more positive attitude and look for the ways God has not forgotten me, rather than dwelling on the reasons it may seem He has.   

 

 

jumping elephants.

during guided reading yesterday, we had just finished a book called "I Like to Jump!".  this book talked about different animals that enjoyed jumping.  at the end of the book, i asked the 4 cute boys in front of me, "so tell me, what are some animals that jump?"  it started out right - "kangaroos!" "frogs!"  "jumping spiders!" "flying squirrels!" "elephants!"

wait, what?  elephants?

i started laughing, thinking it was a joke... then he said it again, "elephants!  really!  they jump!"  we all burst into laughter, then i told him the interesting animal fact that actually elephants are one of the few animals that cannot jump, even if they try.

to which another boy replied, "yeah, think about if they jumped.  we would have a earthquake like.... like.... i don't know, like every month."  we all laughed some more thinking about elephant earthquakes, when another boy chimed in, "my babysitter's dad went to africa and saw a elephant jump into water and it caused a su-nay-me"  "you mean tsunami?" i asked.  "no, a su-nay-me," he was certain.  "the video is on youtube, if you want to check it out for yourself."  so we did.  turns out it wasn't on youtube, go figure.  BUT we did find this gem of an elephant jumping on a trampoline.  (ok ok it's a fake elephant... but entertaining nonetheless).

the best part of this story was today when the same small child who was convinced that elephants did indeed jump came up to me and said, in a very serious and down-to-business tone, "miss ence.  do you know what the funniest thing in the entire universe is??"  "uh... tell me, what?"  "an elephant jumping so high on a trampoline he jumped all the way to outer space and got stuck there because he couldn't come back down, then at night we would see the moon and the elephant in the sky."

now picture that. 

could you die??!!  i love my job.

be present. be honest. be happy.

i've been surprised at the amount of animosity towards new year's resolutions i've seen this year.  yes, animosity.  they've become a joke.  a big, ugly, stare-you-in-the-face joke!  anyone that brings them up has this lackadaisical attitude that even if you set them, you'll never achieve them.  well, of course you won't... not with an attitude like that!  but really, i kid you not, these are things i've heard people say when i've asked them the question, "what are your resolutions this year?" 

- "psh... who makes resolutions anymore..."
- "yeah... haven't thought about that yet."  (follow up question - do you plan to think about it?) -"nah, i don't need resolutions, my life is going just fine." 
- "i'm not planning to do anything exciting this year, so a resolution would be a waste of my time." 
- "whenever i make resolutions, i break them the next week, so what's the point?" 
- "i've never been a goal setter." 
- "i've never kept one of my resolutions, i gave up on that a long time ago." 
- "i don't need goals to be successful." 

WHAT. 

maybe it's just because i've grown up in a franklin covey principle-based home and been totally indoctrinated from LEAP about the importance of goal setting, but i was blown away with the overwhelming response of not caring about goals for the new year!! i'm not trying to sound judgmental here, mostly i write that to say how surprised i was that more people don't set goals in their lives and don't have things they are working toward. 

did you know that only 4% of the earth's population 1. has goals 2. has those goals written down 3. carries those goals with them everywhere they go 4. reads their goals everyday...?  a measly 4%.  and that 4% of the population outperforms the other 96% combined.  easily.  it's important to have goals, people! 

in my life, i recognize the importance of having goals that are specific, measurable, time-sensitive, realistic, etc... and i do have quite a few of those.  but this year, i wanted to break the traditional lame attitude about new year's resolutions and really set some goals that would be meaningful to me.  so.  i went with 3 broad broad goals.  18 days in, i can already tell 2014 is going to be fantastic because of my specific focus on these 3 things. 

1. be present.  i always recognized that having a cell phone out when you're around other people wasn't polite, but i always do it anyway.  i hesitantly announce to the viral world that i'm addicted to my phone.  when someone texts me, i have to read it right away.  when my phone isn't on me, i feel lost.  i have to check social media multiple times a day.  PATHETIC.  this is so pathetic and i can't believe i'm admitting this to the world, but in an effort to work on my resolution #2, there ya go.  i had a friend come visit me a few months back.  we hadn't seen each other in years, and it was a glorious reunion.  i was disappointed after the weekend was over, however, to realize that probably 80% of the time we were together, one of us was on our phones.  this was a much needed reminder that the people you are with are the ones you need to be with, and they deserve your presence 100%.  any text or google search or phone call shouldn't take precedence over that.  then i read this article - "why i'm getting a divorce in 2014" and it really touched me!  i need to divorce my phone too, and make the people i'm with the important ones.  this is so hard for me!  so if you're reading this, you can help keep me accountable. 

2. be honest. in the past year and a half of my life, i've learned a lot about the power of vulnerability (thanks to a little prodding thought by becca cunliffe in october 2012!)  growing up in a home where we don't talk much about our problems, and being a relatively private person all along, being vulnerable is really, really hard for me.  but my quest to be more vulnerable in 2013 has changed my outlook on relationships and my role as a supporting character in everyone's lives that i come in contact with.  and i can say that in 2013, as i've opened up, i've been happier.  my understanding of the importance of connections in relationships has grown, and i have found new meaning in trusting people.  this quest to be more vulnerable has simultaneously taught me the value of being honest.  honest with myself - knowing when to say no, knowing my limits, speaking up and standing up for myself.  honest with others - saying how i truly feel and working through things that need to be worked through, giving sincere compliments, and saying what i'm thinking.  sometimes i find a tricky balance between being too blunt and being honest, but that's why this is a resolution... i'm working on it :)  and being honest with God - repenting of things that need to be repented of, recognizing that i'm not, nor will ever be perfect, and really just opening up and talking to Him about everything.  another goal of 2013 was to work on my relationship with my Heavenly Father, and that has been a huge blessing in my life.  i never thought it would be hard to be honest with God, because He knows everything already.  but, it's so so important and refreshing. 

3. be happy.  this sounds so cliche, but i'm enjoying finding happiness in everyday.  there are so many good things in my life right now, so many reasons to be happy!  in my pursuit of #1 and #2, i've already found that i am happier overall.  "men are that they might have joy!"  my mom's ultimate motto is "enjoy the journey".  happiness is a choice! 

i find that when i set a broad focus for my year, it makes it easier to set weekly, more specific goals throughout the year to accomplish those.  so.  what are your resolutions?  what are you going to do to make 2014 the best year yet?? 

keep me accountable, k? 

cherie call for the win. again.

i rediscovered this gem of a song tonight, and it was just what i needed to hear! 

faith to find the answers
by cherie call

i've been looking through windows into the night sky
wondering if all the prayers that i pray ever reach that high
'cause sometimes life can get so crazy,
i can hardly make sense of it
these are the times when i really discover what believing is.  

i've been looking for answers all my life
and sometimes the best i can do is just pray that everything will work out right
there are solutions to every mystery,
but i don't always know what they are
and what about the questions in my worrying mind as i live beneath these stars? 


when he sees the darkness closing in
he gives the soft command
and the shadows start to scatter just enough for me to take one step at a time
one foot past the next
until the time will come when i see him face to face


i use my faith to find the answers to the harder things
i lift my questions to the sky and find the peace it brings
i do my best to solve the problems that my heart controls
and i leave the rest up to Jesus
and i just let go, and i just let go.