the pursuit of happiness

I spoke in church today, and a few people asked for the transcript of my talk.  So, I wrote it out and thought I'd share it here too.  Enjoy :)  

The Pursuit of Happiness - November 30
Sara Ence, Westminster YSA Ward

I know Jesus Christ lives.  He is my personal Savior.  Of all the things I could share from this pulpit today, that is the most important.  Christ has provided a path for us, a path that is well-lit and full of support.  We are promised that if we follow that path, we will be blessed with happiness in this life, and eternal life in the world to come.  Today, I’ve chosen to speak about the pursuit of that happiness in our lives. 

There’s a man named Benjamin Wallace that lives in Manhattan.  He is an author, and wrote a book called “The Billionaire’s Vinegar” which addressed a mystery about the world’s most expensive bottle of wine.  In this process of writing this book, he went on a quest to answer this question:  “Why do people spend crazy amounts of money on things, and are they living a better life than me be because of it?”  Basically “Can you purchase happiness?” 

With the backing of a magazine he was then writing for, he went out and tried the most expensive item in about a dozen categories.  Things like test driving a Bugatti, staying at a $40,000 a night hotel, purchasing an $800 pair of jeans, and eating a $180 piece of Kobe beef steak.  He also did some research about an experiment that Stanford and Cal Tech students performed where they brought in a bunch of people and hooked them up to brain imaging, then asked them to taste test different bottles of wine.  All the wine was the same, but they were labeled with different price tags. 

In the end, all the people in the study not only claimed to enjoy the more expensively labeled wine more than the others, but the brain imaging results proved that they did indeed feel more pleasure from the “more expensive” wine.  Benjamin’s conclusion was that you actually can buy happiness, but our happiness is reflected through the way that we perceive things, and our value system. 

There’s another man named Dan Gilbert who is a Harvard psychologist and authored a book called “Stumbling on Happiness”.  In this book, he challenges an idea that we are naturally miserable when we don’t get what we want.

He performed one experiment where he put 7 Monet prints in front of different people and asked them to rank the prints in order of the one they liked the most to the one they liked the least.  When they were done ordering them, he told them they could take either choice 3 or 4 home.  Everyone chose the painting they had ranked in 3^rd place.  A week later, he invited the same people back to rank the same Monet prints again.  Without fail, every person ranked the previous 3^rd choice (the one they had taken home and spent all week with) as their new #1 choice, and their original 4^th choice as their last choice.  This result was consistent for even the amnesia patients, who didn’t even know they had a Monet print in their hospital room, and didn’t remember anything about ranking them previously. 

Dan Gilbert goes on to speak about the difference between natural happiness – what we get when we get what we want - and Synthetic happiness – what we make when we don’t get what we want. 

He came to the conclusion that in the long run, people are actually much happier when they have synthesized or constructed their own happiness, rather than given what they thought they wanted.  

I find it interesting that the research of the world will often parallel principles of the gospel, just in more secular terms.  Elder Wirthlin said, “Come what may and love it!”  President Monson instructs, “Let us relish life as we live it, and find joy in the journey”.  2 Nephi 2:25 says, “Men are that they might have joy” – a conditional statement which the Lord has placed responsibility on us to FIND joy in whatever season of life we are in. 

I believe all humans desire happiness in their lives.  But the way they define happiness, or what makes them happy, is different.  Recently I’ve been thinking about when in my life have I been the happiest?  What was I doing in my life at that time?  What kind of happiness am I synthesizing in my life, and how does that tie into the things I know about the doctrines of eternity? 

I started conducting some field research of my own - asking people of all ages the top three things that make them the happiest.  The most entertaining of answers came from my first grade students: minecraft, pokemon, indoor recess… But even these answers were consistent with the general public, in that all the answers I received fell into 4 categories.  As a general rule, these 4 categories are what make people the happiest:

1.   Taking time to be grateful. 

2.   Doing things that we love.  

3.   Serving others. 

4.   Living the gospel and keeping our covenants.

I will briefly touch on each of these. 

1.   Being grateful.  In Nov. 2012, I heard a talk that changed my life.  It was at a time in my life when I was just existing, surviving… going through some interesting health challenges, and having a hard time finding happiness.  The man speaking told of a challenge he had given himself to write down 3 things each night that he was grateful for, and every week, he wrote a thank you note.  He challenged us to do the same, and promised us that if we did, we would find greater happiness.  It was a simple challenge and a simple promise.  In 2013, I took the challenge, and it’s the most consistent I’ve ever been with any new years resolution.  Every week in 2013, I wrote a thank you note to someone.  Every night, I wrote down 3 things I was grateful for.  And the promise was fulfilled… I was happier.  I was able to find joy in my circumstances.  I believe that we find what we’re looking for, and when I was looking for things to be grateful for, I was a more grateful person and a happier person. 

President Uchtdorf recently gave a talk where he talked about gratitude as a disposition in our lives… a way of life that stands independent from our current situation.  He’s agreeing with Dan Gilbert, just in holier terms.  We can and should choose to be grateful IN our circumstances, rather than being grateful FOR things.  This time of year, we tend to focus on gratitude a little more, which is great, but I testify that having that disposition of gratitude all the time is a refreshing thing because my gratitude challenge of 2013, which I appropriately named “The Pursuit of Happiness”.   

2.   Doing the things that we love.  This includes spending time with family and friends, hobbies, taking time to relax, vacations, cultivating different talents, finding joy in our successes in employment or school.

3.   Serving Others.  When I had just got back from my mission, I was having a hard time adjusting back to the singles ward.  I was called to be a ward missionary and assigned to help a man named Ferny.  Ferny was trying to become active again to stand as a proxy for his dad and seal his parents together.  Ferny was a sponge, and it was exciting to teach him because he was so attentive and ready to learn.  I soon realized that I was coming to church and activities not for myself, but for Ferny – to help him meet people and answer questions he had, to help him make connections.  This experience changed the way I viewed service in the church, and the purpose of church.  Besides partaking the sacrament, I realized that nothing about church was for me, but to give me opportunities to serve other people and bring them closer to Christ.  I am grateful to belong to a church where we are given ample opportunities to serve in capacities that we might not otherwise choose. 

I also recently read an article called “6 Subtle Things Highly Productive People Do Everyday”.  In this article it talked about time management being more about managing feelings than anything else.  It said that highly productive people take time in their week to serve  because it makes them happier, and when they are happier, they accomplish more.

Of course the ultimate example of living a life of service is the life of the Savior, Jesus Christ.  He lived for other people, and lived a happy life.  I am grateful for His example in my life of how to more perfectly serve those that He has placed in my life.  

4.     Living the gospel / keeping covenants.  Elder Corbridge of the 70 once said, “There is only one way to happiness and fulfillment.  Jesus Christ is the way.  Every other way, any other way, whatever other way, is foolishness.”  Of all the things in my life that make me happy, living the principles of the gospel trumps them all.  Because it’s eternal happiness.  Lasting happiness.  Happiness rooted in constant things that never waver or change.

In the Bible Dictionary, we learn that we are given the spirit in this life as a foretaste of the joy that will be ours in the eternities.  I’m so grateful for that spirit and for the joy and peace I feel because of His influence in my life.  I’ve thought before what that kind of eternal joy might feel like.  I don’t think we can comprehend it.  But it makes me excited that those kinds of feelings are in store for us. 

The scriptures are FULL of stories and great verses about finding happiness.  2 Nephi 5:27 - “And it came to pass that we lived after the manner of happiness.”  Background: Nephites have just separated themselves from the Lamanites.  They are building a temple, living righteously, doing what the Lord wants them to do, learning how to build, working hard to support themselves.  Result: They are blessed with happiness.  Same patterns apply in my life.  Everything about the gospel makes me happy.  I testify that when we are actively pursuing the things of eternity, we are enabled to feel a portion of the eternal joy that will be available to us if we stay faithful and continue to keep our covenants.  This is made possible only through the Atonement and the doctrine of Christ – exercising faith, repenting and changing, being baptized, receiving and using the gift of the Holy Ghost to guide us, and enduring to the end, which is really just repeating those steps over and over again.
Elder Scott said, “Your joy in life depends upon your trust in Heavenly Father and His holy Son, your conviction that their plan of happiness truly can bring you joy.”  We have to believe that promise.  We have to choose joy. 

And that is the challenge I’m giving myself, and invite each of you to take as well: to choose joy.  To do the things in your life that make you the happiest.  To take time to be grateful, to serve others, to do the things that you love, and to live the gospel and faithfully keep your covenants.  To construct happiness in your life no matter the situation or circumstance you are in.  I promise that as you do, you will feel a greater measure of the Lord’s love in your life, especially as you turn to Him for the source of your happiness. 

I love this gospel.  I love the Lord.  And say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.   

#ragswag

inspired by laci's post about birthday parties, here's a do's and don'ts list when running a ragnar: 

DO score the easiest leg by becoming buddy-buddy with your team captain.  

DO NOT complain about how hard your legs are going to be, when you have the easiest of all. 

DO train.  train hard.  and train consistently. 

DO NOT worry about no sleep.  adrenaline will kick in.  

DO decorate your van.  

DO NOT hashtag your name on other people's vans.  #lloyd 

DO dress up if you want but DO NOT dress up so bad you can't run well.  

DO bring enough food to keep you well fed and DO eat it.  

DO NOT eat half an hour before you run. 

DO eat the gummy energy shot block chews.  they'll save your energy.  

DO talk to other people on your runs... it makes the time go faster.  aka DO NOT be worried about your "kills".  

DO take time to stretch before and after each run.  especially after each run.  

DO turn up your music and jam while you're driving around!  the more fun, the better!  

DO take the time to meet up with the other van and party it up at the exchanges!  

DO NOT make fun of people you pass because they just might beat you soon.  

DO NOT breathe or look down in the porta potties. 

DO bring your own hand sanitizer.  

DO show appreciation for the people that sponsor each exchange.  they work hard. 

DO NOT forget sunscreen or a sweatshirt.  

DO bring comfy clothes to wear when you're not running - especially comfy shoes.  

DO run with a sweet group of people, but DO NOT be worried if you don't know all of them yet... you will soon enough!  

DO NOT shower and get a hotel in between runs... that takes away the full experience!  

DO come home and sleep for 12+ hours 2 nights in a row.  your body needs the rejuvination.  

DO NOT sign up for another race within 36 hours of you finishing.  ha ha.  

DO celebrate your victories as a team!  

DO have the most supportive people with you in the van.  

DO NOT complain about the little stuff... everyone already knows about the little stuff... 

DO  have the time of your life with your new best friends celebrating an adventure you've all conquered together :) 

coleman and i before our first runs.  that mountain in the background is where my first run was! 

 

van #2!  my crew!  

 the ladies (minus rylee)

 coleman and i at the finish line, victorious!  feeling SO good right now. 

me slapping that bracelet onto ally morgan and finishing my last leg!!  woo!! 

coleman and nick at the exchange.  these boys kept us laughing :) 

rag swag tat. 

coleman and ally with phyllis..the ragnar virgin van. 

just hangin' on the grass before my third and final run. 

this interesting man saved my life on the third leg.  

 

 THE TEAM.  wii not fit.  logan + provo + salt lake + sugarhouse. 

 

until next time, ragnar.  until next time.  

the tinder effect.

a little story about tinder magic, brought to you by me dear friend krys gardner:  

Let's just say that it all began in the park; that is where I was when the ball started rolling.  It was April, the sun was out, and well it was the proverbial mating season.  Not like the mammal mating season, but the mating season that I like to call the Spring love. I am sure that you have seen it before. Just as it starts to warm up it seems as though all the singles in highly concentrated young adult area suddenly get all excited again that it is warm, so they drop what they should be doing and start their pursuit of a mate. Outdoor recreation increases, talks about boating trips and summer flings are discussed.

Well, it was that time of year, but it also happened to be my last semester in college that just so happened to be in one of these highly concentrated young adult areas.  It is needless to say that my so called "school load" was less of a load and more of a hop skip in the park.  So when it came to the end of the semester and the dreaded finals time there was little if anything to worry about.  I was more concerned about how I could make a scene in the testing center filled with younger college students - the ones who still had semesters left in college - upon completion of my last "final".

Trying, but not trying excessively hard, to do the college last minute cram prep for my final I began making plans to study. Being one who lives for warm weather, I refused to be stuck with the masses inside a library where the air is stuffy, natural light doesn't shine, and there is a great feeling of anxiety in the air. (The irony of belief that if I spend the next 4 hours learning I'll remember everything I didn't learn over the past 4 months and that I have to learn in order to pass this class to not ruin the rest of my life). I thought to call a good friend of mine, a friend I knew was more the relaxed type and who was in her last semester as well.  "Hey, so are you studying... well, we should go to the park to study, I think it would be good for us." It didn't take a whole lot of convincing for her to say yes, and with a moments notice we were off to the park to sun bathe, laugh, and talk about how much studying we hadn't done because it was our last semester of college.

Over the years I have always joked about being ADD, however let me be clear in saying that I have never been clinically or officially diagnosed. I am just one who has a talent for being distracted - squirrel. I have gone far enough to try and take online tests, and in one case was successful at completing the test because I had a friend who made me do it. The result of the test was an obvious likely candidate for ADD. This isn't to complain though because life never gets boring. Back to the story though...

Being a self-diagnosed ADD student, being at the park did nothing to help me concentrate and to study. After settling in on the grass with blanket and all, a couple couldn't have appeared more than 50 yards away to "play" football. We know they weren't there to play football though... football was merely the justified activity that broke the physical touch barrier that ultimately led to a giant cuddle and make out fest on the grass. To each their own; there was nothing that they did that bothered me, but I couldn't help look and think...

Long story short, I redownloaded the well-known, under-appreciated app Tinder. For those reading this that don't know what Tinder is, there is no time to explain in detail the app. For those who have judged and said I am shallow, judge as you will.

--------

THIS is where it all started. Upon downloading the app I had decided I would start conversation with every match I had. I spent the better part of a couple of hours swiping and starting conversations with cheese ball one liners. Over this short period of time I was incredibly successful having 15+ new matches and started an easy 10+ new conversations.  I quickly went from having a very open schedule to being consumed with trying to keep Addy straight from Kayla, Nikky from Maddy, and the like.  And to be completely honest I did confuse a couple at one point, but it was Tinder so recovery was fairly easy. My phone went from being able to survive for the better part of the day to suddenly only lasting a couple of hours before begging to be charged.

DISCLAIMER: I hadn't deleted an account I had made earlier so I had stored up a bunch of potential matches... I don't really get that many matches all the time... I am really just average. Not a Provo Alastair with lots of tan pictures of me and my six pack of abs sitting on a boat at Lake Powell.

When it comes to the Meyers Briggs personality profile I am a definite E for Extrovert rather than being an I for introvert.  Talking to people is just my thing. It has its pros and its cons and every time I take a career placement test I am told I should be in some kind of counseling, teaching, or sales position because of my need for constant communication and social interaction. Having the multiplicity of new matches I was eager to get to know all of them so I would spend the vast majority of my days (and often into the hours of the night) talking and getting to know each of these girls.

Now lets be honest, I wasn't just interested in talking to the girls all the time. Don't let your mind wander; these girls had passed the physical attraction test, and if they could pass the communication test why not actually go out with them. The semester was quickly over and the dates begun.

I remember a lot of them well. There were a lot of great girls and consequently a lot of great dates. We did anything from lunch to going shooting, or playing in the park and a motorcycle ride. I had the mentality that if I wanted to go do something, I might as well invite a girl to come do it with me. Interestingly enough though, there was this one girl (we will call her Nikki for the sake of this blog post).

Nikki was very desirable.  She either knew how to play the game well or she was just really lucky, but she was also extremely frustrating. Her profile pictures resembled much of the ones that are good enough to draw you in, but leave you just enough mystery to keep you in suspense with a sense of mild indecision on exactly how attractive she is. There was no doubt she was definitely hot. Her pictures also did a great job at telling a story. She was funny (insert picture of her laughing her head off for no reason other than to take the picture for Tinder). She was sophisticated (insert picture playing a musical instrument). She was fun (insert picture of her playing outdoors). She was spiritual (insert picture of her with friends at what appears to be a church). She was hot (insert well practiced selfie that doesn't overwhelm).

All I wanted for Christmas (in Spring) was to meet Nikki in person and the fact that she made it difficult just made me chase harder and harder. We probably had 2 or 3 dates that were supposed to happen but due to issues on both parities accounts fell through.  Despite the failed attempts we continued to talk semi-frequently.

Nikki couldn't last forever though. As if it was a horse-race, eventually I got burned out with Nikki and a new prospect appeared on the horizon. For times sake, we will cut to the chase and say right now the new prospect won out.  For better or for worse I kind of just dropped things with Nikki... mid-conversation and all (remember the squirrel ADD problem, it happens with girls too).

Fast forward 6 months.  At this point I had dated and broken up with the new prospect and had a few other flings after.

I get this text, "Hey, are you free on January 5?" from my old roommate who I was living with when I downloaded Tinder.  "Uh, that is kind of far out, so I am going to say yeah", I replied. "Cool, I AM GETTING MARRIED, and want you there". I didn't even know my buddy was dating someone so this came somewhat of a shock. Of course I said yes and I moved on, but a couple of days later I got a big surprise.

I opened up Instagram and there was picture of my buddy with his new fiancé. I knew her and I couldn't figure it out, and then it clicked. NIKKI. NIKKI. NIKKI. Oh crap! My old roommate is getting married to this girl that I chased and talked to a bunch on Tinder. I know this really isn't a big deal, but it really is an awkward deal.

Yeah so if I can recognize her that quick, do you think she'll recognize me? And just how does that conversation go when I meet her for the first time most-likely in wedding ceremony? Do I tell my buddy before hand? Or do I let it ride and see if she brings it up? And if she brings it up do I act ignorant like I don't know what she is talking about? Or do I just wait till the wedding and my first line to her in the presence of my buddy, "Oh hey, we both swipped right, I remember you!"

For now, it is a mystery how it will all go down, but for the last option sounds the most plausible.

when the mannequins are missing limbs.

i went shopping last night. and a shirt got stuck on me in the dressing room.  like, worse than it's ever been.  i should've known better that tugging so hard to get it on was a bad idea.  i was dying of laughter in there.  so much that the associate asked if i was ok.  i told her i was stuck ha ha ha ha.  she asked if i needed help, but i don't know if she really thought that question through too well... did she really want to come in the dressing room and help me get my shirt off?  i hope not.. maybe it's one of those courteous things to say?  ha ha ha ha ha.  so then she just laughed with me, outside the door.  and i never knew when or if she walked away...? 

but i literally just couldn't get the shirt off for a good 3 minutes.  just tug tug tug.  then i had to walk out to the associate and hand her the item.  she had this silly smirk on her face and i was a mess... red face, hair totally messed up, a little embarrassed... but it was like we bonded over the funny moment.  hahahahaha.  anyway, on my way home, i was just thinking about all the interesting things that happen when shopping.  and how many pet peeves i have about shopping.  here's a compilation of a few - most of which have to do with the dressing room. 

when you're in the dressing room and the associate knocks on the door to see if you need anything.  i never know if they're talking to me or someone else... so do you respond? 

when the associate knocks on the door when you're in the dressing room to see if the room is occupied or not.  i also never know if they're knocking on my door or someone else's.  and what do you respond?  "here!"  "occupied"  "yes, may i help you?"  bahhh. 

when you go in the dressing room and the associate says "let me know if you need another size".  i've always wondered how exactly i let them know that... it's not like they stand there and wait for you to drape a shirt over the door.  and i'm not about to walk out in my underwear to ask her for another size.  furthermore, if i'm going to put my real shirt on and come out anyway, what's the point of having an associate find the size?  i just assume to find it myself.  useless customer service.  

when the associates at downeast ask your name and write it on the door they always put an "h" on sara.  my biggest pet peeve second only to the 1/16 ply toilet paper in public restrooms (a post for another day).

when you're walking into the dressing room and the associate goes in before you to clean it out and holds the door open for you... so you have to shimmy your way past them with your armful of clothes, usually scraping them with one of the hangers sticking out. 

when you've been holding the hangers on your hand so long that your hand is turning blue from no circulation. 

when you get in the dressing room and the associate hasn't cleaned out the room, so you have to find a place to hang your clothes amongst all the others draped everywhere.

when there is only one hook in the entire dressing room.  i need at least 3.  one for clothes i haven't tried on yet, one for things i'm going to buy, and one for things i'm going to not buy.  old navy has this going right.

when the dressing room has little numbered cards that you take to your room and i never know if they want them on the door so they can see, or just take them in?  target you take them in, but gordman's hangs on the door.  it's just so hard to tell!  argh.

when there's a limit of how many clothes you can take in, and you have one more item than that limit but the associate makes you leave the one item with her and come back to exchange it when you're done trying on the others.  this means you have to get re-dressed and come back out then go back in and get undressed again.  for ONE ITEM.    

when each associate in the store pretends to be folding a shirt near you then proceeds to ask if you're finding everything ok.  my question is, do most people come to a clothing store looking for one specific thing??  aren't most people "just looking?"  i am... this question bothers me.  just let me shop in peace.  if i need you, i know where to find you.  

when all the associates ignore you.  i realize this is completely contrary to the previous point... but i think there's a nice balance between being friendly and acknowledging your customers, and being a helicopter associate vs. acting like you aren't even in the store, ya know?  

when all the songs on the store radio make you want to die. 

when you're ready to try the clothes on and you don't know if you have to ask for a fitting room to be opened or not.  sometimes when you ask for a room to be opened, the associate rolls her eyes and says, "they're open..." and sometimes when you go to find one on your own, you have to bend over and check underneath the stalls to see if anyone is in there and the associate sees you and asks if you need a room and i want to reply, "no, i'm just looking under the doors for fun..."  or places like smith's marketplace, where you have to pick up the phone and it calls an associate to come to your assistance and you just stand there awkwardly waiting until they come.  and if they never do you just climb under the door.  totally proper, right?  

when you're in the dressing room and the floor is nastier than heck and you don't want to take your shoes off.  i'm talking mostly about thrift stores here.  i always pray that i don't get some sort of foot fungus or tape worm from stepping on the floors of some dressing rooms.  you think i'm joking about the praying thing?  i'm not. 

when you put on a shirt then soon realize it's stuck.  like, so stuck that you cannot get it off yourself.  you shimmy and shake and slither and pull and tug with your arms straight up in the air for what seems like forever and by the time it's off your hair is a mess including being extremely static and you have red marks all over your arms and face from pulling

when you're trying on an item that is too small or you didn't realize there was a hidden zipper and you hear a seam rip.  oops...

when you're coming out of the dressing room and it's not clear where you put your unwanted clothes.  do you leave them in the room?  give them to an associate?  hang them on a rack outside the room?  put them back yourself?! 

when you aren't familiar with the sizing of the store, so you pick a bunch of clothes off the rack that you think are your size, but when you get to the dressing room you realize after trying on the first one that they run small, so you have 7 items that don't fit.  eek.  

when something looks dynamite on the rack or mannequin, but when you put it on you wonder if that was the same shirt that was being advertised. 

when the mannequins are missing limbs. 

when you're checking out and the associate asks if you found everything ok.  i've honest to goodness never known how to answer that.  if i did by chance have a list of clothing items that i was looking for, the chances that i really did find every single thing i was looking for during that hour at that store is pretty slim.  and if i didn't have a list, i feel like to say "yes" to that question would be to lie.  i didn't find everything, but how could i when i didn't even know what i was looking for to begin with.  or what about those yellow pants i really wanted to buy but they had every size but mine?  did she want me to rant about that? 

when you're at the cash register and the associate tells you about a deal... "this variety of shirt is buy one get one half off" and you feel pressured to buy another one... but there are tons of people waiting in line so you have to make a quick decision about which one you want and hope that it fits because you didn't try it on. 

when you're at the cash register and try to be friendly and the friendliness isn't returned.  small talk aint gonna kill ya, sweetheart. 

when you walk out of the store and the door beeps, making a huge scene.  

when you walk out of the store and the door beeps, making a huge scene, but none of the associates look up.  so you're looking around all suspicious-like trying to decide if you should walk back to the associate desk or just walk away and they're giving no non-verbal or verbal cues. 

when you walk out of the store and the door beeps, making a huge scene, and other customers look at you disgustedly as if your associate forgetting to take the ink tag of was your fault.  i'm not stealing, i promise. 

when you walk out of the store and get into your car, or home, and realize the ink tags are still on and you have to go back to the store to get them removed.  #worst

so that's that.  all i have left to say is, last night i really thought i might have to cut that shirt off, then pay for the damage.  or worse, wear it the rest of my life.  close call.  close call. 

i'm immune to the cheese touch

as a teacher, i find myself saying things that a normal adult would probably never say in the course of a day, unless they have kids of their own, or work with them.  some gems that've popped out of my mouth this week alone:

- i'm immune to the cheese touch
- the pencil does not belong up your nose
- the pencil is not chocolate
- the pencil is not a sword
- the pencil is not a light saber either
- no, that wasn't your pencil talking, i can see your lips moving 
- the pencil is for writing, not scratching your bum
- if the pencil is dull, the proper way to sharpen it is with the sharpener, not your teeth
- stop barking at me
- does it look like i'm about to have a baby?
- your boogers need to stay in your nose
- stop cuddling on the rug
- six years old is too young to have a boyfriend
- last time i checked fingers don't talk
- your thinking cap is broken?
-  why have your eyes been crossed all morning? 
- no, you may not hold hands with your boyfriend in line
- if i'm still single when you're old enough to be married, ask me that question again
- i love your gangnam style dance, but right now it's time to read
- please walk across the room and save gangnam style for recess
- yes, you do gangnam style better than the korean dude 
- you don't need your wolverine claws during class
- but seriously, put the wolverine claws away until recess
- you might think you're Flash, but even Flash has to walk in the room and down the hall
- by "silent", i didn't mean turn to your neighbor and start singing "let it go"
-  how do you know the song "black and yellow?"
- let's choose a different word than this one (sh**) for the -it word family

this is killing me, i gotta stop.  first grade is adventure central.  (and don't worry, i don't spend all day reprimanding my children... the reprimands just seem to have the funniest connotation).  hazzahh!

i lose children.

the first day of school is full of procedures and rules, teaching kids how to be students in your class.  i totally forgot how much my kiddies last year grew up.  i left them as second graders and now i'm starting over with kindergarteners.  AND IT SHOWS.  oh my heavens it shows.  i'm missing my class from last year much more than i thought i would.  (which is one reason i go out to afternoon recess with my students, so i can play with last year's kids, heh heh, it's nice to have a fan club...)  

in first grade, one super intriguing moment is lunchtime.  they don't get lunchtime at school in kindergarten.  stepping into the multi-purpose room and walking down the hot lunch line is close to a disneyland experience for these little ones.  who knew rubber hot dogs could be that exciting?  

so naturally, the first day, we talked about the lunch routine.  i walked them through the lunch routine.  we practiced walking down the hall to the lunchroom, where to sit, where to put their empty lunch bucket, and how to walk outside when they were done eating.  all is well.  right?  right.  

we make it to the lunch room.  everything is going smoothly, with many reminders about where to go and where to sit.  it takes 15 minutes to get them all through the lunch line and type in their lunch pin numbers, but we make it ok.  then suddenly the lunch bell is ringing and i'm outside to pick them up.  if the routine stuck, they should be standing in a line waiting patiently, right?  wrong.  

i'm missing 6 children. not one or 2.  6 CHILDREN.  

honestly i usually don't notice when i'm missing one or 2 because they end up trickling in, and it usually because they've been up on the upper field and needed more time to run down.  (does that make me a bad teacher?)  but 6 children?!  so we stand there and wait a while, but no one is coming. 

quick decisions aren't my strong point, i like time to process and weigh all my options, but obviously don't have time for that right now.  so i start asking around.  has anyone seen _____?  where is ______?  no one knew.  so i left my class (with high hopes that they wouldn't kill each other while i was away) to go looking for my kids.  upper field empty.  playground no one there.  suddenly i see dark curly hair racing past me with a "hie hie" mimicking laugh.  ooooh no he didn't.  i ran.  i ran to chase that little guy and firmly drug him back to the line.  "i didn't want to come in when the bell rang, so i didn't" he replies.  oh boy, it's going to be one of these years.  one down 5 to go.  no, 4 to go.  someone showed up from behind the bushes.  yes, the bushes.   

"maybe we should check the lunchroom?" one kid suggests.  so i send him in.  he finds one girl in there looking lost.  the other 2 we never found, but by now 20 minutes have passed and the second grade bell has rung.  so we went inside, me just hoping somehow someone made it back to the classroom without me.  sure enough, there he was, waiting patiently in his seat.  the last little guy though was no where to be found.  we backtracked, talked about everywhere we think he might be.  luckily the office called during our dilemma to tell us that he was found wandering the halls, hysterical that he didn't know where to go.  poor little guy.  an elementary school is pretty large when you're 6.  

we practiced lunch routine 5 more times that day.  you can go to recess after you eat, kids.  PLEASE go to recess after you eat.  but please eat your lunch.  your parents keep sending me concerned e-mails about you coming home with empty lunch boxes.  argh.  

i wish i could say these were the least of my concerns, but sadly, this will be a year to remember in many other ways.  you name it, i've got it in my class this year.  i could write a novel after just 17 days of school, but i'll spare ya.  

the truth is, i love teaching.  no matter how hard and impossible it may seem, i really do love it.  no teacher has perfect classes every year.  it's my turn to take the load, and hey, bring it on.  (did i say that out loud? :-/) 

rumbios.

i'm so mad right now.  i had to pay for dinner tonight.  

i am babysitting my cousins kids this week (what ARE they called?  second cousins?  first cousins once removed?  what are they removed from?  help!)  and today we took a little trip to the living planet aquarium.  with the rest of the world.  it's shark week, btw.  should've checked that before we went.  but anyway, we had free tickets and we went.  and i'm not complaining because it was cool.  especially these pink jellyfish that glow in the dark.  say wha?

the first thing we see is a shark bingo card that if you get blackout you can come back and get a prize.  yay prize.  we took a few.  (let's not mention the fact that sara couldn't find the shark exhibit anywhere for like 2 hours... ha ha ha ha ha "it's coming up.. uh let's go see the otters first.  oh look, south american adventure, you want to see the tree frogs, right?" *cough*)

after wandering around forever we finally get to the shark tunnel and there's no exhibit signs!  what kind of aquarium has no signs?  little m kept asking me all day what the different fish were called and i had no clue.  i'll admit i made some names up ha ha... "that one is, uh, 'bulging eye shark...'" (oops)  totally digressing here.  we filled out the dang bingo card and took it back to the prize table, where we got a little prize (and that plastic crab has caused its share of meltdowns this day, thanks) as well as a bookmark which gave us a free meal at rubio's.  sweet.  babysitter doesn't have to cook dinner, i'm in.  closest rubio's 30 min. away.  meh, it's only 4:30, it'll kill some time.

we get to rubio's and walk in the door, so excited about our free dinner coming up.  wait in line a good 10 min., order my 3 kids meals (yes, one for me too), then proudly hand the lady the bookmarks.  she looks at me in disdain and says "these are for rubio's..."  i was so confused... weren't we in rubio's??  i swear... oh wait, there's a sign... rumbi?  what?  how did this even happen?  i was too embarrassed to admit i was in the wrong place, so i just paid for the kids meals and we ate at rumbi (not hating life, it was delish, as always).

concerned, i pulled my phone back up and sure enough, it said we were sitting in rubio's at that moment.  so weird.  finally finished dinner (dinner takes so long when you're 3 and have a massive cheeseburger, btw) and walk outside to see rubio's just next door.  we walked around to the other side to find the door because i was cashing in those free meals whether we were full or not!  we couldn't find the front door!!  we walked back to the other side where rumbi's door was and what do you know rubio's was right next to it.  like RIGHT next to it.  i took a picture but i'm totally too ashamed to post it because it was RIGHT there.  i guess this made me feel a little better because i clearly saw rubio's and went to reach for the door but grabbed the wrong one.  easy mistake.  esp. when ushering small children along.  

walked into rubio's and ordered 3 kids meals (which i ate all by myself because the kiddies were full... paleo out the window today and i'm feelin' it :-/ ...but dang i forgot how much i love churros!)  got back in the car and drove 30 minutes back to draper. 

still mad i had to pay for dinner. 

but one day it will be ok, right?

i went to a tri-stake event the other night at the bees game.  it was easily the worst night i've had in a long time.  i was in great spirits when i showed up, but absolutely miserable when i left.  there were redeeming moments, but overall, everything about attending a mormon singles event played out right in front of my face and reminded me how much it stinks starting back at square one in the dating game.  

at a singles event, you find many types of men:


- the too-cool-for-their-own-good ones that know they're good looking and crowd surf all night flirting with anything that has long hair and two legs

- the nerdy ones that stick with their roommate on a row all by themselves and wait to be approached, but when they are approached, can't carry on a conversation yet somehow figure out a way to ask for your number anyway

- the overly confident ones that say things like "you have gorgeous eyes, we should date" or "you're so attractive, we should be together".  didn't know having pretty eyes was an indication that we would make a good couple...? 

- the awkwardly forward ones that ask for your last name just so they can facebook stalk you, and openly admit that they are going to facebook stalk you.  i know we all do it, but there's an unwritten rule somewhere about admitting that out loud to the person you are doing it to, right?  (there should be...)

- the group from your own ward that you hardly talk with until you're at a stake event and suddenly you're best friends?  it's a comfort thing, i guess.

- that clingy one that seems to always find you no matter where you are or how much you try to avoid him

- the ones that you wish would pay attention to you but you can't quite figure out how to make that happen

- the completely decent and respectable ones that you love talking to and make a great night even better (i would prefer for my night to be full of interactions with these men.)  


and then, oh then... there are the previous love interests.  i've decided that when you are avoiding more people than not at an event, that's a good indication it's time to move to a new ward.  ha!  (my problem, not theirs...)

- there's the type that ignore you all together and act like you never knew each other (dude, we kissed 3 months ago, can we at least say hi...?)

- the type that pretends to ignore you but you keeps making awkward eye contact all night

- the type that ignores you all night then texts you after the event is over to see how you're doing

- the type that overly exaggerates how much fun he's having with the new girl draped in his arms 

- the type that keeps loudly standing up to make sure you know where he is at at all times

- the type that comes up to hug you and chat like nothing ever went wrong

- the type that comes up to make a scene like you're long lost best friends when it was the worst breakup in the history of ever and in real life you never want to see him again

- the type that broke up with you 36 hours previous and doesn't know how to act around you

-  the type that's married with a kid and living in another state, but you of course run into his favorite cousin who can't quite place how she knows you.  when she figures it out, she proceeds to tell you the full update about how great he's doing and how happy he is, not realizing you're the girl he wrote off

- the type you tried so hard for 6 months to date but he never had the decency to say he wasn't interested

- the type that tried so hard to date you for 6 months and you never had the decency to say you weren't interested

- the roommates and friends of all the above who sometimes don't know how to act and sometimes are just fine

- the type that have moved on and past the awkward post-break-up phase and can carry on a normal, healthy conversation with you (i would prefer for my night to be full of interactions with these men as well)

*sigh*.  i am back in this game we call dating and monday happened to be a night where i ran into every single of the aforementioned types. 

no conclusion necessary. end rant.  

because of my faith

a few conferences ago, bishop edgley gave a talk entitled "faith - the choice is yours".   during this talk, he made a list of a few things he did in his life as a result of his faith.  when i was serving as a missionary in calgary, canada, i read this talk one morning and was struck by the profound nature of his list.  i decided to do the same thing.  i came across this list this morning.  written december 10, 2010.  it made me smile to think back on the experiences that had led me to that point in my life, and also think about some of these points that i haven't been as diligent about lately.  here is that list: 

because of my faith:
- i have heeded the call to serve a full-time mission in canada for the Lord for 18 months of my life
- i pray with the hope that i will receive an answer in the Lord's time
- i have made sacred covenants with the Lord in His holy temple
- my back was completely healed in 2 weeks rather than 8 after my bad fall
- i gained a testimony of the truthfulness of the book of mormon
- i sent missionaries to visit my best friend then sent her a book or mormon
- i bear my testimony with confidence, power, and conviction everyday
- i trust that the Lord is making me who He wants me to be
- the promises in my patriarchal blessing are being fulfilled daily
- i left a piano performance scholarship and major to pursue elementary education
- i pray every morning with assurance that i'm being heard
- i follow the traditions of my parents and how they raised me
- i pray for experiences to grow and lean everyday
- i fast, because it is a commandment, even though i hate it
- i am becoming comfortable with who i am and who i can become
- i sat down at the piano again after a year of resentment
- i made it through my first transfer as a missionary with a tough companion
- i read my scriptures daily and attend church every week
- i honor my parents and trust that they won't lead me astray
- i perform temple work for those that have passed on
- i remain worthy to hold a recommend
- i focus on things i can change, and seek to do so
- i've made the promise and commitment to never lose my faith
- my testimony grows every single day, especially when i share it
- i know i will live with my family forever
- i access and use the atonement to change and improve
- i have been able to forgive people who have deeply hurt me
- i look forward to the future and try to enjoy the present
- i strive to keep an eternal perspective and trust in the Lord
- i accept Jesus Christ as my personal Savior and Redeemer
- i take the sacrament each week and renew my baptismal covenant with the Lord
- i try to do everything i am asked to do, even when i don't understand the reasons why
- i set goals and consistently try to improve myself
- i receive answers to my prayers and act on those answers

there are many points i could add onto that list today.  in reality, every single thing that happens in my life is somehow tied back to my faith.  the best place to ground our faith is in our Savior, Jesus Christ.  He is the rock.  He is the way.  He is the faith. 

175 days.

175 days of learning.  that's what the past 9 months have been.  on august 27, 2013, twenty-five wide-eyed 6-year-olds walked into my life.  i was just as scared as they were (nope, probably more so).  i remember how with trembling hands i tried to hold the story book still as i read to them and introduced myself as their new first grade teacher.  i had no idea what to teach them.  i had no idea how to be a teacher.  we were definitely in for an adventure.  and day-by-day, that's exactly what it was. 

the next 175 school days taught me so many things.  how to be overly patient.  how to tell them to sit down in 20 different phrases.  how to tie 2 shoes at once.  how to teach someone to read.  how to explain why the hour hand is indeed the short hand and why we put our right hand on our hearts when we say the pledge.  how to motivate a 7-year-old to pick up scraps off the floor.  how to edu-tain 6-year-olds all day.  how to wipe a snotty nose without getting snot on your hand.  how to send a child to the bathroom without interrupting class.  how to have eyes in the back of my head.  how to teach the formation of letters.  how to tactfully talk to parents.  how to bite my tongue when i wanted to scream.  how to find joy in every moment. how to love more than i've ever loved. 

they always say the first year of teaching is the hardest.  i don't know that i agree... but i haven't experienced my second year yet.  i really just couldn't have asked for a better group of kids to start this journey as a teacher.  i don't know how long i'll be teaching, but i do know that i am in the perfect career. 

the last day of school was nothing short of difficult.  i teared up a good 4 or 5 times throughout the day.  when all my kids swarmed around me for a group hug at the end of the day, it was all i could do not to burst into tears.  then the bell rang and they all left.  they walked out of my room and onto the second grade. and the tears came.  3 students came running back in, sobbing, grabbing my waist and refusing to let go.  i had to walk one to her car because she was so hysterical.  got a text from a few other concerned moms saying their child was inconsolable after school.  one mom said her daughter cuddled with her for 3 hours just whimpering, so sad to leave school.  i guess you could say they liked me, ha ha.  and hey, i loved them back. 

but, i will soon be replaced by a new favorite teacher.  the little boys will develop a new crush.  the girls will find someone new to tell their secrets to.  but i will always remember my perfect first little class of first graders at canyon rim academy.  to say they have changed my life would easily be an understatement. 

we had an end of year program where they proudly showed off some songs they have been learning this year.  the highlight of my days is sitting at the piano with them and singing, teaching them new songs, singing old ones, and laughing together.  i love when they make up their own words or add new phrases to the ends of the real ones.  they are darling.  the program was perfect, and i was just beaming at the piano for the full 30 minutes, moved by their darling smiles and reminiscing in my brain about all the hard and great times we've had this year.  

my heart has grown this year in ways i didn't imagine.  one day into summer break and i'm already feeling sad from kid withdrawal.  walking into my empty classroom today made it worse.  it might be a long summer, but will be a much needed break. here's to a magnificent 175 days, and let the countdown till august 26 begin! 

(sorry the picture is a little blurry... it was taken mid-group hug, and i was laughing soo hard!) 

dads have the key

student whose parents are divorced: "my mom has two more eggs in her tummy but they are locked.  they can only be unlocked when she gets married again.  because dads have the key."  ba ha ha ha.  well put, well put. 

it is, though.

the past 2 weeks have been one of those why-do-i-even-bother weeks.  when it rains, it pours, right?  sometimes i think i've figured this life thing out, only to be put back in my place.  it can never go too good for too long, right?  but the blessing of hard times is they remind us that: 

  

and it really is.  in every sense of the word.  because of the gospel of Jesus Christ, life is beautiful.

the most beautiful truth i know

i've appreciated the church's initiative this easter season to reflect on the statement "because of Him".  because of Him... everything.  i could fill in that blank with any righteous statement and it would be true.  

i believe in Jesus Christ.  i believe that He lived a great life and performed miracles and loved the people He served.  i believe that He died for me to pay the price for my sins and provide the way back home.  He also performed the atonement so He would know how i feel at any given moment in my life, which is a truth i have relied on every single day.  but i've often wondered how we come to know these things.  in 1 nephi 15:14 it says, "they shall come to a knowledge of their Redeemer and the very points of His doctrine, that they may know how to come unto Him and be saved."  it's evident that we cannot be saved in ignorance.  we have to know the Lord whom we serve and know how to follow Him. 

what kinds of things have to happen in our lives before we can saywith surety, "i know Jesus Christ lives!"  what challenges do we have to face, what triumphs do we have to enjoy, what kind of commitment to the Lord do we have to give before that testimony comes? 

well.  today, this beautiful easter sunday, i am writing as a witness of Jesus Christ.  i, sara michelle ence, know that Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world because of the following reasons:

- i feel peace enter my heart when i hear or sing the song "i stand all amazed"

- there have been multiple days this year when i knew i couldn't pick myself up off my bed and go throughout the simple tasks of the day.  i knelt in prayer and pleaded with Heavenly Father to be with me, and as i stood, physically felt picked up and carried

-  my best friend annie flew here from california in december just to come to church with me, after 6 years of invitations and dead ends

- i have prayed about the book of mormon and gained a witness for myself of its truth.  the purpose of that book, the very intent it was written, was to convince jew and gentile alike that Jesus is the Christ.  so because i know the book of mormon is true, i know that Jesus Christ is my Savior.  that book is packed with evidence you would have to be blind to not see

- a mission companion and i felt inspired to change our plans and stop by a certain house at a specific time, to discover we saved a woman from suicide

- i've sat across the desk from a loving bishop as he said the words, "sister ence, you are forgiven of this sin" and literally felt a tangible weight being taken off my shoulders, allowing a certain happiness to flow back into my life

- i watched bill maki give up everything he had and enter the waters of baptism for a God he didn't even know existed yet

- i've sat in church and listened to heartfelt testimony from countless members about the power of the atonement and the power of change and conversion

- i sat with president tingey on april 19, 2012 and heard him say the words, "well done, thou good and faithful servant, the Lord has accepted your service"

- i felt a certain peace at the funeral of my uncle steve barlow, knowing that although it seemed unfair that he was taken from this earth when he was in the way that he was, that it was part of God's perfect plan, and that we will indeed be with him again, forever

- i walked into a temple this past friday seeking for comfort that the situation i was currently dealing with would be resolved the way it was supposed to be resolved.  that the people involved would forgive me of the dumb mistakes i'd made that week.  sitting in the temple for 3 hours, i felt time and time again the peace i was searching for.  the problem wasn't solved, but i felt empowered and comforted.  my prayer was answered.  i love the temple

- i watched the faces of my darling 6 year olds light up when i taught about christianity as part of our three world religions unit.  "Jesus Christ died for my sins!" one would shout.  "He loves me!"  "i LOVE Jesus!" another would cheer.  the faith of a child speaks volumes

- i felt inspired to change my lesson just one hour before giving it to the relief society when colin dumke bore an inspired testimony of the power of righteous women in the world.  with that inspiration to change the lesson came the words to say in a time of need, and one of the most powerful relief society lessons i've been a part of

- -

i could go on for hours listing specific reasons that have led me to the knowledge i have of Jesus Christ as my personal Savior.  i testify that there are tangible evidences all over our lives that Jesus Christ lives, that He is intimately involved in the details of our lives.  that He cares.  i invite each of you to open your eyes and see those evidences everyday.  open your eyes and stand in awe at the love Jesus offers you.

He lives.  and that is the most beautiful truth i know

a leprechaun did this to me.

today is st. patrick's day, which is a really big deal when you're 6.  actually, anything is a really big deal when you're 6.  i don't remember leprechauns being a large part of my st. patrick's days as a child, but times have changed, people.  times have changed. 

last week, rumors of leprechaun sightings started floating around my classroom.  one day, a convinced girl swore she saw 12 of them leaping in the grass at recess.  i kept reminding them that leprechauns didn't come out until the big green day - the 17th.  but that didn't dampen their aspirations.  they wanted to use my supplies to construct all kinds of leprechaun traps.  we even had a small incident with one of my little guys caught in the girl's bathroom "but madeline said the leprechaun was in there dancing on the toilet paper roll, miss ence, i just had to see for myself!  wouldn't you?!" touche, little man, touche.   

so i caved and planned the ultimate leprechaun bash for school today.  they showed up to a note on the board from good old lucky the leprechaun inviting them to come on a little hunt for some treasure.  "i know this isn't miss ence's handwriting!  she would be so mad at the leprechaun for his messy handwriting.  there's NO way she wrote this."  (bahahaha)  this hunt took us all over the fields of the school, to the park down the way, to the church next door, around the school, to the playground, and back.  it had us running laps, doing jumping jacks, and playing tag. 

when we got back, our room was pulverized (thank you mom!)   "miss ence, did YOU do this?!"  how could i... i was with you the whole time... ha.  it was a real leprechaun, munchkins.  a real, live leprechaun.  "no, it must've been mr. chad!"  (the janitor)  yea... the janitor is going to pulverize a room that HE has to clean later.  not so, tiny humans.  not so. 

green easter grass everywhere (rookie mistake, rooookie mistake on the easter grass), crepe paper dangling from every corner, gold coins and little leprechaun footprints everywhere, another chastising note mocking us for being too slow and better luck next year, chairs were turned over, seats were switched, a pot of "gold" was hidden with all kinds of golden treats and lucky charms, he even left his hat!  (which we were convinced mr. lucky would come back for... he had to, right?!) 

as they're eating the lucky charms and golden candy that mr. lucky left them, i put on some irish celtic music.  5 minutes in i hear tons of giggling.  i look back to see my little red head dancing around the room with the silliest grin on his face, hand over his head, one on his hip, and doing the irish foot shuffle in circles.  i was dyyyyying of laughter.  kids are too dang funny!  he shouts "miss ence!  am i rocking this dance or what?!"  and... he totally was. 

flash forward to after lunch recess.  the playground duty comes in holding little boy that got caught in the girls' bathroom's leprechaun trap, trampled.  "i think the leprechaun was angry that you tried to trap him, so he ruined your trap..."  "it's ok," he says.  "there's more where that came from!  and this time, i'll trap him with GOLD.  everyone knows leprechauns can't resist shiny things!!"  are we feeding children lies everyday?! 

- - -

{but probably my favorite thing about kids at this age is how convinced they are about things like leprechauns and the tooth fairy (to no fault of their own, we are totally the instigators...)  

"miss ence, i woke up and there was a leprechaun dancing on my head!  my sister couldn't stop laughing and neither could i.  that's why i peed my bed." 

"miss ence, i lost a tooth yesterday but the tooth fairy didn't come.  my mom said she saw her flying outside and her wing was torn after hitting our tree, so she had to go to the tooth fairy hospital and would maybe come tonight if she was feeling better." 

"i saw my elf on the shelf wave to me this morning.  and he winked at my sister last night." 

"well my elf on the shelf kept me up all night because he was running around on my ceiling laughing.  that's why i'm pretty tired today." 

"i woke up this morning and my nails were painted green.  a leprechaun did this to me."} 
- - -

unfortunately i didn't think much past the initial messing up of the room.  let's just talk about the easter grass again.   it sticks to EVERYTHING.  there was a long trail down the hall outside our room because it was stuck to everyone's clothes and shoes... oops... i made everyone pick up 400 things off the floor before they left today.  and it was still pretty messy. 

but do i regret the messy room, the fights over the gold coins, the tears over the poor mr. lucky that will never have his hat again, the almost allergic reaction to the pistachio pudding science experiment, the green crepe paper accessories or sword fights, the hyped-up-on-sugar children, the easter grass eternally stuck to all my clothes?  no.  not in the least. 

today was the perfect day in first grade.  the kind of day where everyone is laughing and working together for a common good.  even if that "good" is finding a make-believe man with orange hair and a fake pot of gold. 

i really just love first grade.  i mean, when else can you wear ridiculous hair pieces like this at age 24 and get away with it?! 

case closed.

today's dating story is brought to you by the letter g.  g for giraffe, that is.  giraffe meaning that's how i feel sometimes when guys that are clearly much shorter than me ask me out.  does that not bother short boys that their date is a foot taller?! i've spent much of the last decade of my life pondering this question.  and i, ladies and gentleman, finally have an answer. 

to tell this story, i have to admit something embarrassing.  i am once again a tinder user.  now that we got that out of the way... 

last week i matched with someone we'll call jack.  he starts the conversation, "you're really cute, sara".  flattering, i suppose.  me, being the skeptical realist that i am, respond with, "really though, how many girls have you started a conversation with with that line, eh?"  to which he responds, "only the really cute ones."  ok, cheese factor 100, i'm out.  goodbye.

10 minutes later i get a text from a dear friend asking how the tinder scene is going (just got her to join again the few days prior...heh heh).  i respond with the cute little story about the encounter jack and i had just had.  to which she replies that a guy had started a conversation the same way with her.  you know what's coming next... it was the same guy.  (would my life be anything different, come on)

so i just HAD to call him out on it.  i got back on and responded to our friend jack, "you matched with one of my best friends and started the conversation the same way with her."  to which he replied,"oh, you're the only 2 though."  obviously not as embarrassed as i hoped he would be.  i know he's lying because he had to ask which girl was my best friend.  ok.  transparent.  and brazilian.  (no really though, he's from brazil)

my mistake, we start chatting back and forth and through the course of the conversation he finds out that i love the movie the aristocats.  he says (not joking, these are the words he used) "sara, i think we need to watch that movie together and make a memory together."  ok... sure... i have an open evening in...oh wait, never.  

i put off that proposal for a while.  and good thing because things kept getting creepier.  you see, our friend jack here, he's from another country, just lurking to find an american wife to take home ("don't worry, my family will love you, they love tall blonde americans" ...thanks, that's so reassuring...) 

so i ask how tall he is.  5'8.  one inch shorter than me.  doesn't sound like a huge difference, but for me it is.  call it shallow, call it what you may, but that's my number one thing... i need to be with someone significantly taller than me, for my own confidence's sake.  (watch, now that i've posted that i'll marry someone that's 5'0. just my luck)

the next 20 minutes of my life were spent reading message after message to convince me to date a short boy.  my case is closed.  the decade long question has finally been resolved.  again, people, these are real live quotes that came out of this boy's mouth (or i guess fingers, ha ha)

eh-hem.  this is why short guys want to date tall women: 

1. "let's say we're walking down the street and i decide to j-walk.  i can grab your hand and you can keep up with me.  if you had short, stubby legs, you would fall behind, get hit by a car, and die.  since you have long and lanky ones, you'll make it across safely with me."

2. "hand holding is perfect with a tall girl because you're both the same length of arm away from each other."

(can we please keep in mind i've "known" this boy for 45 minutes by this point?!)

3. "then think about kissing.  so nice to kiss a taller girl because my neck doesn't get tired from leaning over."

4. "cuddling is nice too because it can be reciprocated."

5. "and think about our children..."

gag.  i don't want to think about our children.  i don't want to even think about my own children, let alone children with you, brazilian stranger whom i've exchanged meaningless tinder messages with for 50 minutes.   safe to say i stopped responding.  but he. kept. sending. messages.

the next day, he messages me in the middle of the day asking if anything is wrong and why i haven't responded and if his reasons were logical.  so i just told him, "ya know i'm looking for someone significantly taller than me, sorry.  good luck with everything!"  and blocked him (one thing i like about tinder, easy out!) 

not 5 minutes later, my friend texted me and asked what went down with jack... because he messaged her and asked her what was wrong and why i was being weird and telling her he thought we had such great chemistry, etc.  bleck. 

i already knew tinder was full of a significant amount of creepers... but this was my first encounter with one.  thank goodness for that block button... and thank goodness that jack solved the mystery of why short boys like tall girls

...just think about our children...