the pursuit of happiness

I spoke in church today, and a few people asked for the transcript of my talk.  So, I wrote it out and thought I'd share it here too.  Enjoy :)  

The Pursuit of Happiness - November 30
Sara Ence, Westminster YSA Ward

I know Jesus Christ lives.  He is my personal Savior.  Of all the things I could share from this pulpit today, that is the most important.  Christ has provided a path for us, a path that is well-lit and full of support.  We are promised that if we follow that path, we will be blessed with happiness in this life, and eternal life in the world to come.  Today, I’ve chosen to speak about the pursuit of that happiness in our lives. 

There’s a man named Benjamin Wallace that lives in Manhattan.  He is an author, and wrote a book called “The Billionaire’s Vinegar” which addressed a mystery about the world’s most expensive bottle of wine.  In this process of writing this book, he went on a quest to answer this question:  “Why do people spend crazy amounts of money on things, and are they living a better life than me be because of it?”  Basically “Can you purchase happiness?” 

With the backing of a magazine he was then writing for, he went out and tried the most expensive item in about a dozen categories.  Things like test driving a Bugatti, staying at a $40,000 a night hotel, purchasing an $800 pair of jeans, and eating a $180 piece of Kobe beef steak.  He also did some research about an experiment that Stanford and Cal Tech students performed where they brought in a bunch of people and hooked them up to brain imaging, then asked them to taste test different bottles of wine.  All the wine was the same, but they were labeled with different price tags. 

In the end, all the people in the study not only claimed to enjoy the more expensively labeled wine more than the others, but the brain imaging results proved that they did indeed feel more pleasure from the “more expensive” wine.  Benjamin’s conclusion was that you actually can buy happiness, but our happiness is reflected through the way that we perceive things, and our value system. 

There’s another man named Dan Gilbert who is a Harvard psychologist and authored a book called “Stumbling on Happiness”.  In this book, he challenges an idea that we are naturally miserable when we don’t get what we want.

He performed one experiment where he put 7 Monet prints in front of different people and asked them to rank the prints in order of the one they liked the most to the one they liked the least.  When they were done ordering them, he told them they could take either choice 3 or 4 home.  Everyone chose the painting they had ranked in 3^rd place.  A week later, he invited the same people back to rank the same Monet prints again.  Without fail, every person ranked the previous 3^rd choice (the one they had taken home and spent all week with) as their new #1 choice, and their original 4^th choice as their last choice.  This result was consistent for even the amnesia patients, who didn’t even know they had a Monet print in their hospital room, and didn’t remember anything about ranking them previously. 

Dan Gilbert goes on to speak about the difference between natural happiness – what we get when we get what we want - and Synthetic happiness – what we make when we don’t get what we want. 

He came to the conclusion that in the long run, people are actually much happier when they have synthesized or constructed their own happiness, rather than given what they thought they wanted.  

I find it interesting that the research of the world will often parallel principles of the gospel, just in more secular terms.  Elder Wirthlin said, “Come what may and love it!”  President Monson instructs, “Let us relish life as we live it, and find joy in the journey”.  2 Nephi 2:25 says, “Men are that they might have joy” – a conditional statement which the Lord has placed responsibility on us to FIND joy in whatever season of life we are in. 

I believe all humans desire happiness in their lives.  But the way they define happiness, or what makes them happy, is different.  Recently I’ve been thinking about when in my life have I been the happiest?  What was I doing in my life at that time?  What kind of happiness am I synthesizing in my life, and how does that tie into the things I know about the doctrines of eternity? 

I started conducting some field research of my own - asking people of all ages the top three things that make them the happiest.  The most entertaining of answers came from my first grade students: minecraft, pokemon, indoor recess… But even these answers were consistent with the general public, in that all the answers I received fell into 4 categories.  As a general rule, these 4 categories are what make people the happiest:

1.   Taking time to be grateful. 

2.   Doing things that we love.  

3.   Serving others. 

4.   Living the gospel and keeping our covenants.

I will briefly touch on each of these. 

1.   Being grateful.  In Nov. 2012, I heard a talk that changed my life.  It was at a time in my life when I was just existing, surviving… going through some interesting health challenges, and having a hard time finding happiness.  The man speaking told of a challenge he had given himself to write down 3 things each night that he was grateful for, and every week, he wrote a thank you note.  He challenged us to do the same, and promised us that if we did, we would find greater happiness.  It was a simple challenge and a simple promise.  In 2013, I took the challenge, and it’s the most consistent I’ve ever been with any new years resolution.  Every week in 2013, I wrote a thank you note to someone.  Every night, I wrote down 3 things I was grateful for.  And the promise was fulfilled… I was happier.  I was able to find joy in my circumstances.  I believe that we find what we’re looking for, and when I was looking for things to be grateful for, I was a more grateful person and a happier person. 

President Uchtdorf recently gave a talk where he talked about gratitude as a disposition in our lives… a way of life that stands independent from our current situation.  He’s agreeing with Dan Gilbert, just in holier terms.  We can and should choose to be grateful IN our circumstances, rather than being grateful FOR things.  This time of year, we tend to focus on gratitude a little more, which is great, but I testify that having that disposition of gratitude all the time is a refreshing thing because my gratitude challenge of 2013, which I appropriately named “The Pursuit of Happiness”.   

2.   Doing the things that we love.  This includes spending time with family and friends, hobbies, taking time to relax, vacations, cultivating different talents, finding joy in our successes in employment or school.

3.   Serving Others.  When I had just got back from my mission, I was having a hard time adjusting back to the singles ward.  I was called to be a ward missionary and assigned to help a man named Ferny.  Ferny was trying to become active again to stand as a proxy for his dad and seal his parents together.  Ferny was a sponge, and it was exciting to teach him because he was so attentive and ready to learn.  I soon realized that I was coming to church and activities not for myself, but for Ferny – to help him meet people and answer questions he had, to help him make connections.  This experience changed the way I viewed service in the church, and the purpose of church.  Besides partaking the sacrament, I realized that nothing about church was for me, but to give me opportunities to serve other people and bring them closer to Christ.  I am grateful to belong to a church where we are given ample opportunities to serve in capacities that we might not otherwise choose. 

I also recently read an article called “6 Subtle Things Highly Productive People Do Everyday”.  In this article it talked about time management being more about managing feelings than anything else.  It said that highly productive people take time in their week to serve  because it makes them happier, and when they are happier, they accomplish more.

Of course the ultimate example of living a life of service is the life of the Savior, Jesus Christ.  He lived for other people, and lived a happy life.  I am grateful for His example in my life of how to more perfectly serve those that He has placed in my life.  

4.     Living the gospel / keeping covenants.  Elder Corbridge of the 70 once said, “There is only one way to happiness and fulfillment.  Jesus Christ is the way.  Every other way, any other way, whatever other way, is foolishness.”  Of all the things in my life that make me happy, living the principles of the gospel trumps them all.  Because it’s eternal happiness.  Lasting happiness.  Happiness rooted in constant things that never waver or change.

In the Bible Dictionary, we learn that we are given the spirit in this life as a foretaste of the joy that will be ours in the eternities.  I’m so grateful for that spirit and for the joy and peace I feel because of His influence in my life.  I’ve thought before what that kind of eternal joy might feel like.  I don’t think we can comprehend it.  But it makes me excited that those kinds of feelings are in store for us. 

The scriptures are FULL of stories and great verses about finding happiness.  2 Nephi 5:27 - “And it came to pass that we lived after the manner of happiness.”  Background: Nephites have just separated themselves from the Lamanites.  They are building a temple, living righteously, doing what the Lord wants them to do, learning how to build, working hard to support themselves.  Result: They are blessed with happiness.  Same patterns apply in my life.  Everything about the gospel makes me happy.  I testify that when we are actively pursuing the things of eternity, we are enabled to feel a portion of the eternal joy that will be available to us if we stay faithful and continue to keep our covenants.  This is made possible only through the Atonement and the doctrine of Christ – exercising faith, repenting and changing, being baptized, receiving and using the gift of the Holy Ghost to guide us, and enduring to the end, which is really just repeating those steps over and over again.
Elder Scott said, “Your joy in life depends upon your trust in Heavenly Father and His holy Son, your conviction that their plan of happiness truly can bring you joy.”  We have to believe that promise.  We have to choose joy. 

And that is the challenge I’m giving myself, and invite each of you to take as well: to choose joy.  To do the things in your life that make you the happiest.  To take time to be grateful, to serve others, to do the things that you love, and to live the gospel and faithfully keep your covenants.  To construct happiness in your life no matter the situation or circumstance you are in.  I promise that as you do, you will feel a greater measure of the Lord’s love in your life, especially as you turn to Him for the source of your happiness. 

I love this gospel.  I love the Lord.  And say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.   

#ragswag

inspired by laci's post about birthday parties, here's a do's and don'ts list when running a ragnar: 

DO score the easiest leg by becoming buddy-buddy with your team captain.  

DO NOT complain about how hard your legs are going to be, when you have the easiest of all. 

DO train.  train hard.  and train consistently. 

DO NOT worry about no sleep.  adrenaline will kick in.  

DO decorate your van.  

DO NOT hashtag your name on other people's vans.  #lloyd 

DO dress up if you want but DO NOT dress up so bad you can't run well.  

DO bring enough food to keep you well fed and DO eat it.  

DO NOT eat half an hour before you run. 

DO eat the gummy energy shot block chews.  they'll save your energy.  

DO talk to other people on your runs... it makes the time go faster.  aka DO NOT be worried about your "kills".  

DO take time to stretch before and after each run.  especially after each run.  

DO turn up your music and jam while you're driving around!  the more fun, the better!  

DO take the time to meet up with the other van and party it up at the exchanges!  

DO NOT make fun of people you pass because they just might beat you soon.  

DO NOT breathe or look down in the porta potties. 

DO bring your own hand sanitizer.  

DO show appreciation for the people that sponsor each exchange.  they work hard. 

DO NOT forget sunscreen or a sweatshirt.  

DO bring comfy clothes to wear when you're not running - especially comfy shoes.  

DO run with a sweet group of people, but DO NOT be worried if you don't know all of them yet... you will soon enough!  

DO NOT shower and get a hotel in between runs... that takes away the full experience!  

DO come home and sleep for 12+ hours 2 nights in a row.  your body needs the rejuvination.  

DO NOT sign up for another race within 36 hours of you finishing.  ha ha.  

DO celebrate your victories as a team!  

DO have the most supportive people with you in the van.  

DO NOT complain about the little stuff... everyone already knows about the little stuff... 

DO  have the time of your life with your new best friends celebrating an adventure you've all conquered together :) 

coleman and i before our first runs.  that mountain in the background is where my first run was! 

 

van #2!  my crew!  

 the ladies (minus rylee)

 coleman and i at the finish line, victorious!  feeling SO good right now. 

me slapping that bracelet onto ally morgan and finishing my last leg!!  woo!! 

coleman and nick at the exchange.  these boys kept us laughing :) 

rag swag tat. 

coleman and ally with phyllis..the ragnar virgin van. 

just hangin' on the grass before my third and final run. 

this interesting man saved my life on the third leg.  

 

 THE TEAM.  wii not fit.  logan + provo + salt lake + sugarhouse. 

 

until next time, ragnar.  until next time.  

the tinder effect.

a little story about tinder magic, brought to you by me dear friend krys gardner:  

Let's just say that it all began in the park; that is where I was when the ball started rolling.  It was April, the sun was out, and well it was the proverbial mating season.  Not like the mammal mating season, but the mating season that I like to call the Spring love. I am sure that you have seen it before. Just as it starts to warm up it seems as though all the singles in highly concentrated young adult area suddenly get all excited again that it is warm, so they drop what they should be doing and start their pursuit of a mate. Outdoor recreation increases, talks about boating trips and summer flings are discussed.

Well, it was that time of year, but it also happened to be my last semester in college that just so happened to be in one of these highly concentrated young adult areas.  It is needless to say that my so called "school load" was less of a load and more of a hop skip in the park.  So when it came to the end of the semester and the dreaded finals time there was little if anything to worry about.  I was more concerned about how I could make a scene in the testing center filled with younger college students - the ones who still had semesters left in college - upon completion of my last "final".

Trying, but not trying excessively hard, to do the college last minute cram prep for my final I began making plans to study. Being one who lives for warm weather, I refused to be stuck with the masses inside a library where the air is stuffy, natural light doesn't shine, and there is a great feeling of anxiety in the air. (The irony of belief that if I spend the next 4 hours learning I'll remember everything I didn't learn over the past 4 months and that I have to learn in order to pass this class to not ruin the rest of my life). I thought to call a good friend of mine, a friend I knew was more the relaxed type and who was in her last semester as well.  "Hey, so are you studying... well, we should go to the park to study, I think it would be good for us." It didn't take a whole lot of convincing for her to say yes, and with a moments notice we were off to the park to sun bathe, laugh, and talk about how much studying we hadn't done because it was our last semester of college.

Over the years I have always joked about being ADD, however let me be clear in saying that I have never been clinically or officially diagnosed. I am just one who has a talent for being distracted - squirrel. I have gone far enough to try and take online tests, and in one case was successful at completing the test because I had a friend who made me do it. The result of the test was an obvious likely candidate for ADD. This isn't to complain though because life never gets boring. Back to the story though...

Being a self-diagnosed ADD student, being at the park did nothing to help me concentrate and to study. After settling in on the grass with blanket and all, a couple couldn't have appeared more than 50 yards away to "play" football. We know they weren't there to play football though... football was merely the justified activity that broke the physical touch barrier that ultimately led to a giant cuddle and make out fest on the grass. To each their own; there was nothing that they did that bothered me, but I couldn't help look and think...

Long story short, I redownloaded the well-known, under-appreciated app Tinder. For those reading this that don't know what Tinder is, there is no time to explain in detail the app. For those who have judged and said I am shallow, judge as you will.

--------

THIS is where it all started. Upon downloading the app I had decided I would start conversation with every match I had. I spent the better part of a couple of hours swiping and starting conversations with cheese ball one liners. Over this short period of time I was incredibly successful having 15+ new matches and started an easy 10+ new conversations.  I quickly went from having a very open schedule to being consumed with trying to keep Addy straight from Kayla, Nikky from Maddy, and the like.  And to be completely honest I did confuse a couple at one point, but it was Tinder so recovery was fairly easy. My phone went from being able to survive for the better part of the day to suddenly only lasting a couple of hours before begging to be charged.

DISCLAIMER: I hadn't deleted an account I had made earlier so I had stored up a bunch of potential matches... I don't really get that many matches all the time... I am really just average. Not a Provo Alastair with lots of tan pictures of me and my six pack of abs sitting on a boat at Lake Powell.

When it comes to the Meyers Briggs personality profile I am a definite E for Extrovert rather than being an I for introvert.  Talking to people is just my thing. It has its pros and its cons and every time I take a career placement test I am told I should be in some kind of counseling, teaching, or sales position because of my need for constant communication and social interaction. Having the multiplicity of new matches I was eager to get to know all of them so I would spend the vast majority of my days (and often into the hours of the night) talking and getting to know each of these girls.

Now lets be honest, I wasn't just interested in talking to the girls all the time. Don't let your mind wander; these girls had passed the physical attraction test, and if they could pass the communication test why not actually go out with them. The semester was quickly over and the dates begun.

I remember a lot of them well. There were a lot of great girls and consequently a lot of great dates. We did anything from lunch to going shooting, or playing in the park and a motorcycle ride. I had the mentality that if I wanted to go do something, I might as well invite a girl to come do it with me. Interestingly enough though, there was this one girl (we will call her Nikki for the sake of this blog post).

Nikki was very desirable.  She either knew how to play the game well or she was just really lucky, but she was also extremely frustrating. Her profile pictures resembled much of the ones that are good enough to draw you in, but leave you just enough mystery to keep you in suspense with a sense of mild indecision on exactly how attractive she is. There was no doubt she was definitely hot. Her pictures also did a great job at telling a story. She was funny (insert picture of her laughing her head off for no reason other than to take the picture for Tinder). She was sophisticated (insert picture playing a musical instrument). She was fun (insert picture of her playing outdoors). She was spiritual (insert picture of her with friends at what appears to be a church). She was hot (insert well practiced selfie that doesn't overwhelm).

All I wanted for Christmas (in Spring) was to meet Nikki in person and the fact that she made it difficult just made me chase harder and harder. We probably had 2 or 3 dates that were supposed to happen but due to issues on both parities accounts fell through.  Despite the failed attempts we continued to talk semi-frequently.

Nikki couldn't last forever though. As if it was a horse-race, eventually I got burned out with Nikki and a new prospect appeared on the horizon. For times sake, we will cut to the chase and say right now the new prospect won out.  For better or for worse I kind of just dropped things with Nikki... mid-conversation and all (remember the squirrel ADD problem, it happens with girls too).

Fast forward 6 months.  At this point I had dated and broken up with the new prospect and had a few other flings after.

I get this text, "Hey, are you free on January 5?" from my old roommate who I was living with when I downloaded Tinder.  "Uh, that is kind of far out, so I am going to say yeah", I replied. "Cool, I AM GETTING MARRIED, and want you there". I didn't even know my buddy was dating someone so this came somewhat of a shock. Of course I said yes and I moved on, but a couple of days later I got a big surprise.

I opened up Instagram and there was picture of my buddy with his new fiancé. I knew her and I couldn't figure it out, and then it clicked. NIKKI. NIKKI. NIKKI. Oh crap! My old roommate is getting married to this girl that I chased and talked to a bunch on Tinder. I know this really isn't a big deal, but it really is an awkward deal.

Yeah so if I can recognize her that quick, do you think she'll recognize me? And just how does that conversation go when I meet her for the first time most-likely in wedding ceremony? Do I tell my buddy before hand? Or do I let it ride and see if she brings it up? And if she brings it up do I act ignorant like I don't know what she is talking about? Or do I just wait till the wedding and my first line to her in the presence of my buddy, "Oh hey, we both swipped right, I remember you!"

For now, it is a mystery how it will all go down, but for the last option sounds the most plausible.